She's almost ten, and she doesn't understand. Why is she different? Why does she still love and need her stuffed animals? Why isn't she interested in boys, or Miley Cyrus or Ke$ha (shudder) or makeup or Abercrombie & Fitch? (not that I would buy her clothes there...ever!) Why is it so hard for her to read? Do math? Talk quietly?
Why do her cousins tease her for things she cannot control?
She's almost ten, and she doesn't understand. Why is it so hard for her to control her frustration, disappointment, anger? Why does she clam up when she gets really upset? Why do her words fail her? Why does she see a speech therapist, reading tutor and feel so "little" (her words,not mine).
She wants to be a big kid. She wants to do the things they do. Sleepovers, going to the movies with friends. After all, she's almost ten. She watches Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel, and though I explain until I am blue, blue, blue in the face that those kids are fictional, their life is not reality, she still aches. For what she doesn't have. Maybe won't ever have.
She's small. She still wears dresses almost always, and has since she was a toddler. It's just what she likes. But she wants to be older, and look her age. She needs help to brush her hair, hates to take a bath. Her self-care skills still need...coaxing.
She's almost ten, and she doesn't understand. Why autism? Why her?
I can't explain it to her. I wish I could. I am in my forties.
And I still don't understand.
Tina blogs here, and at Send Chocolate Now. Autism Sucks is her brainchild. Want to write? email her! autismsucksblog, just add gmail.com
