Guilt:
1. a. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
b. Law The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law; legal culpability.
c. Responsibility for a mistake or error.
2. a. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
b. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
And then there is Mother's GUILT. An altogether far more powerful and irrational emotion. Mother's Guilt means we take on every let down and disappointment in our children's lives as our own. Mother's Guilt (MG) amplifies our feelings of inadequacy and makes us question our judgement. Mother's Guilt is responsible for our self recrimination and our feelings of blame and well, guilt, for our children's issues.
I doubt there is a mother alive who has not questioned herself or uttered those words to herself: "Did I do something to cause this?"
And as strong as we feel at times, there will always be times when the old MG kicks back in and we worry about our choices, our family unit, and especially our different kids.
I am drowning in the sea of Mother's Guilt at the moment. With Boy 1 hitting the terrifying section of the ASD rollercoaster track known as puberty we are facing a whole new set of challenges previously unseen. With me hitting peri-menopause Mother's Guilt takes on a whole new dimension and removes the calm anchor my firstborn relies on during the storms.
Put into the equation a younger Boy 2, only nineteen months behind Boy 1, bearing the brunt of all this emotional turmoil from both directions, plus being chastised at school for things well beyond his control such as arriving late after a horror Boy 1 morning...
And I am drowning in Mother's Guilt.
Really should not have read "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult whilst in this vulnerable frame of mind. Put into words all my fears for both my children.
also writes at four other blogs including Meaninless Meandering From a Madmother
Mine are still small so I'm still asking Did I breastfeed long enough? Interact enough in the first year? Watch too much TV? You know you did nothing wrong, you are doing a great job, and it's not your fault. But still. Yuck.
ReplyDeleteJennie, we are indoctrinated in MG from a young age. Ever wonder why there is not a phrase Father's Guilt?
ReplyDeleteugh, mother's guilt is the worst kind of guilt. Go gentle with yourself... because you feel guilty? You can know that you care. Therefore, you are doing a good job. See how that works?
ReplyDeleteTina, the chick in charge around here
Problem is Tina, my mood swings are probably as bad as his, and I am, predicatbly at this time of life, irrational. *Sigh*
ReplyDeleteMy Mother's Day wish for the world over is to eliminate MG for just one day. (Well, ideally, it would be for longer than that, but you know what I mean). It would be lovely to take a break from that, like it never existed!
ReplyDeletepeace Madmother.