Monday, August 11, 2008

Go ahead, take advantage of me - everyone else does.

Hi, I'm hellokittiemama and you can take advantage of me. I'm the mother of 2 children - one with Autism, and therefore that means I have nothing better to do than watch everyone elses children for hours on end without reciprocation. I know that childcare and babysitting options for an Autistic child are few and far between. Why do you think I am home every day in time for the bus and that I do not work outside of my home? It isn't because we are dripping in money and thriving on a single income... but don't I wish? The truth is that it is because I have no place for my son to go after school or when the nurse calls me at 8:30am to tell me that he threw up or had a bathroom incident and needs to be picked up. It is my obligation to my family and to my children, and I don't regret the fact that I am at-home though I wish it were under very different circumstances. You see, my child has Autism so instead of being out and about I have to be home for the daily bus drop-off. I'll be home, so what does it matter if I have another child or two to chase after? After all, I have a child with Autism already so I'm used to it, and I can watch your child with Autism also and their siblings - heck, even one or two of their friends too- even if it completely disrupts my own child(ren)'s routine(s). Don't worry, they'll be fed dinner also - only the best organic fruits and veggies, overpriced 'designer' chicken nuggets & juice. Eat me out of house and home, go right ahead. Even if, we had made family plans and I let you know about them - so please be back by 5pm - you can still show up at 8pm and everything will be 'ok'. And the next time you ask me because you need a favor - I won't say 'no', because I can't. When in the past 5 or so years since my 7 1/2 year old son got awarded his very first "A" - that would be Autism, did I lose the ability to stand up for myself? I spend every day standing up and fighting for my son that my own defenses have become annihilated. Hi, I'm hellokittiemama and I'm a mother of 2 very special children, living at the Jersey Shore. You can find me blogging my mad life, motherhood, autism, diva siblings, and the gluten & casein free diet over at The Bon Bon Gazette - because you know that stay at home moms really do sit around all day watching soaps and eating bon-bons.


  1. What does happen to our spines? I continue (insanely) to be incredulous every time this happens to me. I've never dropped my kid in someone else's lap; it just doesn't enter my mind. So when a mom asks me if she can leave while our sons have a playdate, I say to myself, "She must be so tired. Otherwise it would just be rude. I guess I can do this, just this once ...". And then it happens again. Well, get in line sistah, we're all tired. Next time, I think I'll try that most difficult of words to pronounce: NO.

  2. Perhaps you spend all your energy working for and defending your precious children and there's little left for yourself? (I know that happens to me.)

    I'm glad to her you vent. I think it's so healthy for you to vent. But not just for you. It's healthy for us to hear you vent. Because now we feel a bit more comfortable venting.

    And that is a good thing.

    Thank you for your honesty!

    "Back off from the Ian's GF/CF Chicken fingers, junior friend, they are $6.99 per pack where I live. (I think I could write a whole post on this!)

  3. Well, I can't help you in that area, and your child may have no trouble eating his vegetables. But, I have an idea for how to deal with picky eaters who won't eat their veggies.

    Let me know if you think this could work. Thanks.

  4. Boy, can I relate to this. I have actually started just screening my phone calls and letting the machine pick up. That way, I can know in advance that the person wants a favor and I can prepare myself. I sometimes just lie to the person about why I cannot take their kids. I feel cowardly, but you have to do what you have to do. And I am so sick of putting other people's needs before those of mine and my family's. I have also recently sort of weened myself from a toxic "friendship" in which I was totally taken advantage of. I started saying no when I realized how much my family was suffering because of my lack of spine. It is sooo hard, though.

  5. I know this all too well. A similar problem is arising here, and I was wondering how I was going to deal with it. now I know...I am going to stand up tall and say NO. No apologies, nothing, just NO. Because it isn't my responsibility to save the world. (even if we wish that we could) It is only our responsibility to save our children's world.

  6. Good piece MT. I like that part about his first A, never thought about it like that.

    We have the opposite over here since no one wants to enter my household. They can hear it down the block and around the corner.

    My nieghbor told me this AM that I can include her as someone to receive Matthew off the bus in the afternoons, just in case.

    Not like she will be alone since the aide will be there but he cannot be released alone with him. Just in case an emergency arises with Nick and I am not here.

  7. Hmm this sounds all to familiar. It's the lack of reciprocation that miffs me most. However, I am practicing saying no, I'm not very good at it yet, but sometimes that's all I can do. Currently with a head count of seven, I'm pretty much near the edge too.
    Best wishes [sending you positive energy = Ommmmm}

  8. Between folks dropping their kids off and the high price of this new thing I have to buy (ABLLS) I am going insane! I tend to wait until my kids are asleep to break down and cry over the high cost of everything and the constant battling I do with his school and education. I am just about to go into our retirement account and say, give me everything you got so I can fund this crap and get on with my life. Thanks for this platform, this helps get some of my tantrums out.

  9. I love your honesty too! Don't forget your needs for self care! If you don't take care for yourself, who will?

    Hang in there hellokittymama! -From a fellow mom with children on the autism spectrum...


add your voice to the conversation!
(spam will be cheerfully and swiftly deleted)