Now we are condoning discrimination? oh, HELL no!

Sorry, I am crossposting this on all of my sites. I simply feel the issue is too important to ignore. Thanks!

You might remember earlier this year about the teacher from Port St. Lucie, FL who had her class vote on whether Alex Barton, a child with autism, could remain in her Kindergarten class. He was voted out, traumatized and refused to return to school. There was a great uproar and teacher Wendy Portillo was suspended without pay for a year with her tenure revoked.

The school board quietly reversed its decision this week..please read the rest here, and trust me, you need to read it.

Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has Asperger's tendencies. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom LA Special Needs Kids Examiner at Examiner.com and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

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Autism and Homeschooling: Why?

...this is a repost from my personal blog...but it seemed relevant here.

Over the years, I have witnessed an exodus of sorts when it comes to the education of friends' children. More and more parents of children with autism and Asperger's Syndrome are choosing to homeschool. We are the well-kept dirty little secret that your school district doesn't want you to know: often our children can be better served at home than in the school system.

I would have never said such six years ago. I was a died-in-the-wool PTA, room mom, get into the system and change it, agent. But one horrific year with my son's classroom (through no fault of the teacher) and I became a true believer. I figured I couldn't do a worse job than the school, and I might even be an improvement. Besides, my son hated school, to the point I was literally dragging him there. Something had to give.

And now? I homeschool all three of my children, and this is our 5th year. Two have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, they are 7 and 10 respectively. My oldest is going on 15, and though she has never been diagnosed, she has many of the deficits of Asperger's, and is also academically gifted. Her father is a computer engineer, and is most likely also on the Spectrum. (he was never tested, but off the record, our psychologist said so) So, you do the math...

In any case, bringing my children home has worked out wonderfully for us. Homeschooling has allowed me to tailor each program according to what works for each child. My 14 yr old, who went to school for 6 years benefits from a very academic program. She enjoys the structure and it works. My middle guy, at 10, is the one I walk the line with. He isn't unschooled, but his academic structure would, at first glance, seem more relaxed. It is still very scheduled, however. But we benefit from frequent breaks, sensory diet and multisensory approaches. I can choose activities that he enjoys, and we keep work periods short and focused. He can take a break for pogo stick or OT work, as needed. My littlest one, at 7, is the one that learns best through games and Mom Time. She needs one-on-one (as does my son) that she wouldn't get in a classroom. She often has to be taught a concept repeatedly before she gets it.

My middle guy is also dyslexic, which makes it interesting, and I am thinking my littlest may be, as well.

As for socialization...which is a joke anyway... but still. We have found with regular play dates, activities and park outings, my children do just fine. There is more time for preferred subjects (my 14 year old taught herself to both play the piano and knit, because she had more time than if she was traditionally schooled.) We have more time (and funds) for field trips and activities. While other kids are sitting in a classroom, mine are out learning in the world.

There is a park day we attend and have for years. The attendance is large, with many different ages and multiple abilities. There are several kids from all ages that are on the spectrum in varying degrees. It is a very welcoming group. Truly, it was the best decision we ever made for our family.

When my son ended 1st grade, he barely read, was behind in math, his writing was still reversals (though he is left handed, so that made it worse). I would literally dress him like a doll and drag him, kicking, to the public school. He would sit under the teacher's desk, or make games. His aide was useless, only serving to keep him from eloping from the classroom. His work was all sent home. I was already homeschooling, and my son was in the school system!

He is now in the 5th grade, and reads at grade level. His math is also at grade level, or just below. He is above in Science, History, Geography. His writing and penmanship has improved 10 fold. and most importantly, he loves to learn. I have found that learning is a broad term for what we do every day. Mythbusters is learning and exploring Science. Going to the Arboretum is a chance to discuss the environment and botany, as well as the food chain. In fact, every activity has inherent learning in it...you just have to find it.

The most important thing to remember about homeschooling? It isn't something you do. It's something you live. And there really is no wrong way to do it. You can, and your child can... and if it doesn't work, keep tweaking. Also, what your state standards may find important, you may find doesn't mesh with your family. That's ok. I have found that as we go, my kids pick up information I didn't formally teach. And the one thing I want to equip my children with? The ability to find information.

The freedom I have found, as well as the free time away from IEPs, discipline meetings and just general headache is now energy I can pour into helping my son love learning. Less time is spent arguing over what the schools think he needs and more time is given to what he actually needs. We have personalized his goals, and we make sure he reaches them. There is no fighting with autism experts who insist my son is meeting goals that are either too broad, too easy or just plain wrong. I am in control. And my children are the better for it.

That, to me, is success.

T. Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children. The two youngest children have high-functioning autism and the oldest has undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the editor of the Special Needs channel at Typeamom. Her personal blog can be found at Send Chocolate.

Saying It Out Loud

I'm gonna do what a lot of people would never do – I'm going to be honest with my actual thoughts and not sugar coat it and say it out loud. Autism sucks. Autism sucks and I wish my kids didn't have it. Autism sucks and it's not fair; to them or to me. Autism sucks and so does the ignorant attitude of people who make unthinking idiotic comments. These are all the 'sayable' things. The “Unsayable” things are harsh. Bitter, negative, unfriendly. It'll probably surprise most of the people who know me. I don't say these things out loud. People are always telling me how funny I am, what a good sense of humor I have, what a great handle I have on it all. It must be my background in role-playing games – it makes me a good actor. My current character is a super mom who is a super fighter for her kids and autism advocate, who is both mom & dad, not to mention teacher and a host of all those other things. Let me rip up the character sheet for a moment and let the harsh truth seep in... Autism sucks. It is not a gift, a challenge to be overcome at the end of the road – it is a devastation to every parent who ever heard the diagnosis, and is lifelong, unless you're one of the few who get lucky with the 'cure of the day', whether it be Secretin, ABA, Music Therapy, Hyperbaric Oxygen, GFCF diet, or the many other cures that come and go. I'm not saying these things don't help some kids – they do, and I've seen good things happen for some, but I've never personally met a child who has been completely 'recovered'; only heard of them in the news and over the internet. I've tried them all, and my kids weren't the 'lucky' ones. With every failure, one more drop of hope leaves the glass. All your plans and dreams for your child disappear. It is not simply a 'trip to Holland' that landed in China, or whatever the damn metaphor is. Most of the time it is a trip straight to Hell. Sometimes I want to trade my kids in for typical ones. Many times I wish I could go back in time and do it all again and yes – change things. Most of the time I just want to quit. I feel jealous of my friends that have kids that are 'normal', or at least more typical than mine. I feel jealous of those that have husbands and family who help them. I feel jealous that if I want to tear my hair out and scream and take off, the most I can do is lock myself in the bathroom with the kids pounding on the door. I wish I would have married someone with stronger character. I feel envious of the scum of an ex-husband who took off 2 months after the boys were diagnosed, because he's never had to deal with a day of autism. Never had to deal with the Regional Center, the school districts, the various therapies, etc. Never had to use respite hours just to get things done (people actually use respite for respite?) Yes, respite is used to get things done. I learned when the boys were little that many environments were so overstimulating, they just couldn't handle it. Many were the times I walked out of Wal Mart or some other place with a screaming child under each arm, shouting out, “I'm not kidnapping them, they're autistic!”. Now they're 12, and I can't carry one of them, let alone both, so a lot of times, we just don't go anywhere. I'm tired of the snide comments, never to my face, but as I'm walking out with the screamer, the ones that comment, “Some people just don't know how to discipline their kids!”. Once I actually answered the fool by saying, “Since you're such an expert on childcare, perhaps you'd volunteer to babysit this Saturday night?” Not to mention the time I shouted back, “They're autistic – what's your excuse?” I'm envious of those who can just have a babysitter, instead of search for a caretaker/babysitter/crisis interventionist who can handle a 12 year old autistic boy's temper tantrum. I wish I had a child who I could take to a 'natural' dentist. Now that the doctor prescribed Atavan before dental visits, it only takes 2 people to hold him down so the dentist can look in his mouth – it used to take 4 people. I don't have a choice – if they have cavities, they have to use anesthesia. Hell, I have to bring a helper when we go to the doctor, because Mikey will throw himself on the floor and refuse to move, and he's too big for me to pick up. I want a child who has interests, not fixations. The higher functioning one, when he collects things, has to have every single thing in the series, or he loses it. As collecting a complete set of anything is prohibitively expensive, I discourage any type of collecting that comes along. I have not told my son about Bakugan, that new card/toy game. The thought of a whole new series to collect and the issues revolving around not having a certain item in it makes me very afraid. Speaking of fixations, I wish my other child wouldn't scream for hours when we can't find a certain book, toy, shirt, etc. And why is it that the one he wants is never the one I just happen to have seen, but one I haven't actually seen in months? The worst is when he asks for a video or book that I got rid of years ago, before I realized how bad the fixation issue was. Now I simply buy lots of big bins, and store stuff in the garage. To that end, I miss being able to get rid of stuff for good. I miss the days when I could open the windows in my house instead of having padlocks on them to keep my eloping son inside and safe. I miss opening the front door in the morning to cool off the house. I wish I could leave my son outside for the few minutes I need to use the bathroom, instead of dragging him inside with me and locking the house, just in case he decides to hop the fence and run onto the freeway like he did previously. I also miss the days when I didn't have to have locks on the kitchen cabinets to keep my son from gorging till he gets sick. I accidentally left the cream cheese container on the counter this morning while starting a load of wash, and by the time I got back, the container had been licked clean. I'm jealous of those who get to use their college degrees. I have a Masters Degree, but instead, I'm my children's caretaker, earning minimum wage through IHSS, because holding a real job where you get to be with grown ups doesn't work when you have no one else who is willing to take care of your kids. There's just not enough sick days and family leave time – I tried. I'm envious of people who get to be around other grown ups on a regular basis. I'm jealous of people who can earn enough to buy a home. We will be renters forever, as the minimum wage won't let us qualify, but also because of the fact that IHSS is constantly in jeopardy of being cut from the state budget makes my job an unstable one as well. Oh, and IHSS won't let you contribute into social security, so for the last few years, in terms of chalking up working hours for social security, I technically have been NOT WORKING. Yeah. And so much for having a savings account, as if I keep one, the boys won't get their SSI. I will never be able to retire. I want to smack the fools who always tell me I must be doubly blessed, or that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle. I want to rip out their intestines and shout, “Handle this!” Same goes for the people who tell me how I should be grateful it's not worse than it is, or that the boys aren't both as bad as the lower functioning one. Side note – these people have NEVER volunteered to babysit my kids. I want to be able to take a shower when it's convenient for me, not have to sneak it in before the kids get up or after they go to bed or wait till I have respite help, because the last time I tried to shower when they were awake, I came out to the kitchen with all the eggs cracked on the floor and Mikey singing about Humpty Dumpty. I want to be able to stay up late again, and not crash at 8:30 pm, just because the kids went to bed at 8:00, and if I don't follow, I may never get sleep, because their sleep patterns are so unpredictable. I'm envious of anyone who can sleep through an entire night, without waking up after 3 or 4 hours, thinking of all the stress and horrors and the worst – what the future might hold for my kids. I'm jealous of my friends who can sleep in and tell their kids to be quiet in the morning, and the kids actually listen. I want to be able to write like this on a regular basis, but I just don't have that kind of solid alone-time on the computer (I've been writing this for months – started it right after Tina told me about this new blog). For that matter, I'm envious of all those people who have time to have their own blogs. Hell, I'm envious of those that have enough time to read other people's blogs. Don't get me wrong – there are good things; lots of things I love about my special children, but many people write about the good. I'm here to speak the unspeakable parts. I'm here to do the job nobody else wants to do, or has the guts to do. I'm the bad guy all the time in my fight – I'm the super bitch to the school district, regional center, and any other agency who is supposed to provide appropriate services for my child but doesn't, whether it be from budget or indifference. I don't care if these people like me, I don't care about establishing a 'relationship' with them – I just want them to do their frigging job – the one they get paid for, yet the one I end up doing for free. I don't want to be jealous, envious, bitter, angry, tired, hurt, exhausted, alone, ungrateful – but I am. I wish I was a better person, like the “Super Mom” character I portray every day, but I'm not – at least, not under the surface. If these kinds of thoughts make me a horrible person, then so be it – but at least I'm real. If I've learned anything from my ordeal, its that I can't afford to delude myself about anything. When you start lying to yourself, that's when you really get sucked under, and that's the time when the kids really suffer, and why would I be going through all this Hell if I didn't completely and utterly love my children despite it all? But just because I'd go through Hell and back for my kids doesn't mean I have to enjoy the trip. Bobbie is the mother of twin boys with autism, one high-functioning and one lower-functioning. She doesn't have time to blog, but you can follow her on twitter: @Bobbie42

Go ahead, take advantage of me - everyone else does.

Hi, I'm hellokittiemama and you can take advantage of me. I'm the mother of 2 children - one with Autism, and therefore that means I have nothing better to do than watch everyone elses children for hours on end without reciprocation. I know that childcare and babysitting options for an Autistic child are few and far between. Why do you think I am home every day in time for the bus and that I do not work outside of my home? It isn't because we are dripping in money and thriving on a single income... but don't I wish? The truth is that it is because I have no place for my son to go after school or when the nurse calls me at 8:30am to tell me that he threw up or had a bathroom incident and needs to be picked up. It is my obligation to my family and to my children, and I don't regret the fact that I am at-home though I wish it were under very different circumstances. You see, my child has Autism so instead of being out and about I have to be home for the daily bus drop-off. I'll be home, so what does it matter if I have another child or two to chase after? After all, I have a child with Autism already so I'm used to it, and I can watch your child with Autism also and their siblings - heck, even one or two of their friends too- even if it completely disrupts my own child(ren)'s routine(s). Don't worry, they'll be fed dinner also - only the best organic fruits and veggies, overpriced 'designer' chicken nuggets & juice. Eat me out of house and home, go right ahead. Even if, we had made family plans and I let you know about them - so please be back by 5pm - you can still show up at 8pm and everything will be 'ok'. And the next time you ask me because you need a favor - I won't say 'no', because I can't. When in the past 5 or so years since my 7 1/2 year old son got awarded his very first "A" - that would be Autism, did I lose the ability to stand up for myself? I spend every day standing up and fighting for my son that my own defenses have become annihilated. Hi, I'm hellokittiemama and I'm a mother of 2 very special children, living at the Jersey Shore. You can find me blogging my mad life, motherhood, autism, diva siblings, and the gluten & casein free diet over at The Bon Bon Gazette - because you know that stay at home moms really do sit around all day watching soaps and eating bon-bons.