Saturday, January 10, 2009

Am I Doing It Right?

I feel so fortunate that Bacon is 'high functioning' and that he appears to everyone to be a 'normal' kid. I am also beyond blessed that our school district is so great at offering the services that he needs and has such excellent teachers for him. 
I recently returned to work full time though, and am not as involved in his day to day (read here every single second of everything that is going on) activities. I am worried that this is going to cause all kinds of trauma and distress to him in the long run though. The guilt is sometimes horrific. 
Also we are still having all kinds of issues with sensory potty training issues. Part of it is attributed to age I know, but then part of me feels like this will be a never ending battle because of the Asperger's. I cannot remember the last time we went a full day without a pee or poop accident. We take away privileges, we remind him endlessly to go, and still nothing works. He is about 75% trained and has 3 months until he turns 5. I wouldn't be so worried if he wasn't going to mainstream kindergarten, where peeing your pants can turn into some kind of ridiculing nightmare. 
He also still won't sleep in his own bed. He starts there, but always ends up in our bed. We have tried the Super Nanny method of escorting him back to bed 7,952 times, we tried weighted blankets (which freaked him out) sticker reward charts, money, begging and nothing works. I get up at 4am so the constant up and down just doesn't really work for me because I have to sleep in order to be alert for work!
Did I do it wrong by not getting him into OT? Did I do him a disservice by not keeping him in psychotherapy with the lady that was by the train tracks? (Trains are his thing, and every time a train went by he went crazy.) Or am I doing okay, by sort of letting him work it out on his own with school and seeing how it goes? 
He has made so much progress! He can have a conversation with people, he can recognize people's feelings, he can write his name! He is adding! He asks me how MY DAY WAS! Things I NEVER thought I would see...and I know that some parents of kids with Asperger's and Autism will never see. 
I still worry that I am doing it wrong, that I am not doing enough for him. Am I crazy? Or is this what being a mom is like? 
Mrs. Tantrum has a 4 1/2 year old son with Asperger's. She has been married for 11 years, and works full time outside the home. To read more about her crazy life,  her thoughts about random things, Coffee, Anxiety and more, head over to her blog Momma's Tantrum. She posts there every day, or pretty darn close to every day. 


  1. Pretty sure that is what being a mom is like. With or without kids on the Spectrum.

    OT might be something you talk to the school about...they often cover it.

    Now I know why we don't see you went back to work! Miss tweeting with you.


  2. I'm so completely with you there. I kept my Aspie son in main stream education until he got to the point where he got thrown out for "bad behavour" for that read "trying to stand up for himself when picked on". He is now far happier in a special school that has the time and staffing to cope wiht his wee outbursts. I should have put him there sooner but I worried about the stygma of a "special" schol Silly me.

  3. Sorry, my only sure answer is, "I don't know". I have done the OT thing, the psych and social work thing, and we still have issues with sensory things, and the not-staying-in-bed (oh, for just one night alone!!!).

    I stopped the "active therapies" as well, and my son seems to be working things out with support from home and school.

    I don't know how things are in your state, but in mine, OT is not covered by the school unless it addresses motor skills. Sensory needs do not qualify for OT support in the public schools. Sucks.

    Glad to hear things are progressing though!

  4. You are doing great - don't doubt yourself for a second. Of course, I need to take my own advice LOL.

    The ending up in your bed thing - well, my son is 8 and it only stopped for us maybe about a year ago. He just grew out of it and stopped one day. Which is good, because he barely fit with us anymore and we were going to have to get a bigger bed!!!

    Hang in there!

  5. My son is 7 and we are having the same "bed/sleeping" issues. I am so happy to hear we are not alone in this.

    Recently, he got his own bed but it is still in our room.
    He was doing well, but the last three nights he has ended up in our bed during the night.

    I too get up at 4AM and work full time and try to attend college. I am attempting a B.S. degree (which is really what I think it is some times).

    You are not alone!
    Neither am I, I guess.

    We began "Home schooling" a year ago because my three kids, 1-especially, were picked on so badly.

    Teachers singled them out too, although they would never admit it.


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