It Definitely Sucks!

For most kids at 15 your world is all about your friends.  Your family sucks.  Your parents don't know anything.  They don't get it.  They don't get you.  High school provides a connection source.  It's the place that you find most of your friends.  You take some classes you hate, some that you love, but your place in the hierarchy of this place can define a great part of your life.  Your experience here, shapes who you become to a degree.

High school can also be a place of shear torture for many kids. Being bullied, feeling left out, ostracized, desperately wanting to fit in, but feeling like you don't.  When you have Aspergers, an extreme deficit in social skills,  and sensory issues, you can multiply that torture X's 10 (at least).

It's near the end of the school year and Red is done, he's ready to check out.  Unfortunately you can't just say, "Sorry people...I'll see you next year, maybe."  You have to get through it.  Suddenly his classes are too loud.  There's too many people.  He hates this teacher and that teacher.

The bottom line is he's tired of feeling like a little gold fish in a huge ocean filled with sharks.
He's tired of swimming against the tide.
He's tired of not having any real friends.
He's tired of being surrounded by people but not being able to connect with any of them.
He's tired of the loudness of the classrooms.
He's sick of the sensory overload.

So he comes home and goes ballistic.
He screams to the top of his lungs at a simple request of taking a shower.
He rages and rants about how horrible his life is.
He becomes more aggressive more angry with those of us who love him.
He is miserable and he wants the rest of us to join the misery party.
He pounds us with scripts and demands to buy him new things that he thinks will make him happy.
He has yet to realize that things don't make you happy.

Everything that is wrong in his life is somehow my fault.
I am the person who works tirelessly to find answers.
I am the one he thinks can make things better for him.
I am the person that he knows loves him unconditionally.
I always forgive him.
This gives him license to treat me like crap.

I keep it moving forward...trying to help him and my younger son, who also has Aspergers.
Therapies, doctors, social skills, medicine, advocating, ARD meetings, IEP's, BIP's, carpools, entertaining
I keep a smile on my face, trying to focus on my blessings.
I pray and see small victories, but can't help but wonder why I'm not seeing any miracles.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven -Ecclesiates 3:1

In my head I know this is true, but when your child suffers, it's hard to figure out the purpose of that.  Help me Lord.

Please stop by and visit me @ Confessions of An Aspergers Mom
I also invite you to "Like" my Facebook Community Page

Seeing People Naked...

The first day of a new school year is always so exciting for me. I am thrilled to have the house back.  It's like, 'Oh my God -babysitting paid for by my tax dollars!' For 7 hours a day they are someone else's problem.  Doesn't that sound horrible? Sorry! It's true.  Although, not totally...it doesn't mean that I'm not going to get a phone call or an e-mail with some crisis or another.  Yesterday was no exception. 

My phone call didn't come until the end of the day when my eldest, who just started high school, didn't get on the bus to come home.  The special needs transportation left him and pretty much refused to come back.  He wasn't out there within 10 minutes of the bell ringing so they took off.  What exactly is "special" about this "special needs" transportation?  You have a boy who processes slowly.  It's his first day in a new school.  He's still feeling his way around and you leave him!  Because this school is out of our immediate area, this meant I suddenly had to pick him up.  Good thing I didn't have anything better to do.  I wasn't happy and neither was he.  He doesn't like the driver and his assistant anyway. (Which may account for why it took so long to get out there).  He says, "They act like they're drunk!" Which is code for -they're weird.  I must admit, I  have to agree with him.

By the time we get home he's pretty much in a rage about how much he hates the new school.  No one talked to him.  When he talked to someone they pretty much brushed him off.
"I have no friends! I felt sad and lonely at lunch! I didn't eat! The lines were too long! I HATE THAT SCHOOL! I'm not going back tomorrow!"

He went on venting for about an hour.  "I'm going to go curse people out on Facebook!" And you think that's going to help you make friends? Of course I use the logic -Rome wasn't built in a day.  "It takes time to make friends.  Give it some time. Make sure you're smiling.  Try not to look angry and sad." In other words...fake it.
 
After spending his entire school life (preschool-5th) my youngest started middle school. The words 'transition' and change are not favorites in the language of Asperger's.  So saying he was a little nervous is putting it mildly. Middle school is a big change for your average child.  Multiply it times 10 for an Aspergers kid.

"How was your day son?"
"It was horrible! I hate that school! Some kid said to me, 6th graders suck! And I hate that when we go to P.E. I'll have to change clothes and see people NAKED!"
"They won't actually be naked.  They will have on underwear, and they will be so busy changing, you guys won't have time to really look at each other!"
"I'm not doing it!"

I will of course work with the P.E. teachers and special education teacher to make some arrangement to help relieve his anxiety.   I sent e-mail to my older son's teacher asking her to get a peer to shadow him during lunch for a while, in hopes that he won't come home so angry and frustrated.

So is it so great having them back to school? Is it really such a relief, or just a whole new set of problems?

Seeing people naked -it's kind of funny coming from a kid who used to get naked as soon as he walked through the front door!  Once upon a time, we couldn't get him to keep clothes on....now we can't get him to take them off and definitely not in public! 

Picture taken before school.  I had to get the dog to trick them into smiling!

Check ouT mY personal bloG :  http://confessionsofanaspergersmom.blogspot.com/

Standoff at the school gate...

Today our routine was altered as we left home to pick up two of K's friends to take them to school. Last friday he had a monumental meltdown when we dropped them back home after school and he couldn't go in to play. So this morning I thought that I would prep him early about picking them up in the morning and then dropping them home in the afternoon. There, my friends, began the negotiations...

"Can I go in to play at their house after school?"

"Not really mate, your sister has dance this afternoon"

"ARGH, I HATE going to dance! I don't want to go there and sit around and wait, I want to play at their house"

On and On it went until finally a compromise was reached. He can play for half an hour (while his sister goes to dance with another Mum) and then we will go there to pick her up at the end. This hopefully will be compromise enough for him.

So we pick the boys up from home and I pull into the drop off zone at school and out they jump. The boys run off and K drops his jacket. As he stops to pick it up they have run into the school without a backward glance.

There stood my son, looking at the school, looking back at me and then......eruption!

"I DON'T want to go to school today! this is a no school day for me! NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO!"

For 5 minutes I put him inside the gate only for him to exit it again screaming at me. Yelling things like, "I don't want to go to the DUMB school and learn the DUMB lessons" . Parents shuffled past us. Some hugging their children closer as they made a wide girth around us. One Mum offered to take him, tried to talk to him but he was too far gone, I thanked her for the offer as I struggled to hold him to me.

He threatened to run away. He got out of my grasp and he ran! I ran and caught him. I couldn't take the kids out of the car, his sister did not have socks on and brother no shoes. We were only meant to drop him off and then come home. So what could I do?

I took him to the car, we drove to the office and I got his teacher to come and get him. As she asked if he was ok I mentioned the threat of running away, I asked her to watch him today. He was never ever done anything like this before. Never tried to run away, never refused to go to school like this.

I have no idea what is going on with him. Perhaps it is the middle of the term and he is hitting his coping limit for school? I don't know, but I wish that someone would pass the manual this way so I could work it out! The recent increase and intensity of meltdowns/ tantrums and now threatening to run away.....what is next? :(

My son K was diagnosed with Aspergers middle of last year, he is 6 years old. We have been thrown into the deep end and some days it takes all of our energy just to stay afloat! . I'm Jen and my blog is Jemikaan!

What color is autism?

“Isn’t the sky the most beautiful shade of cerulean blue today?”

I thought he was color blind, because when I asked what color an object was, he would tell me the wrong one. In school, turned out not only did he know cerulean blue, as he told his teacher, he knew the entire box of Crayola 64 crayons! He wore an Indiana Jones fedora for three straight years. He wouldn’t wear anything but tan pants to “look like Indy” for at least two years. When he was younger, I had to flush the toilet for him, he couldn’t stand the sound. He loved water play and would spend hours playing at the sink. He hates to cut his hair. He can tell you more than you ever wanted to know about UFOs, Mythbusters and the latest video game to capture his interest, but he couldn’t tell the librarian his phone number. He cries easily, especially when frustrated, which also happens frequently. He knows what direction he is traveling at any given moment. He notices details that would escape most of us. Like the time they painted a gas station bench…the new color, the old color…doesn’t matter. He remembers. But he can’t recall his math facts. He doesn’t like doing activities that are not of his own choosing, and hates to perform on cue. He cannot eat gluten or dairy without a lengthy side trip to the bathroom. Consequently, he is on a special diet. He still moves snails out of harms way, just as he once did when he was two. He is now eleven.

She yowls like a cat when she is angry. Hours are spent in solitary play. She is very imaginative, creating elaborate worlds in her play, but other people don’t easily fit into her scenarios. She can be very rigid. She likes routine. She has a hard time with transitions, even when it is something she really wants to do. Her self-control, while improving, can be difficult. She eats almost anything, and more than you would think…she is a elfin little thing. She cannot read well yet, and doesn’t so much want to. She must be taught concepts repeatedly in order for them to take. Sometimes they do. She is a sensory-seeker, needing a lot of hugs, cuddles and attention. If she doesn’t get it, she will act out negatively. We call it “getting her pound of flesh” one way or another. Her whole life is a song. Even her voice is a song: a high-pitched melodious voice is used in conversation. Unless she is yelling. She speaks in half sentences. “Want cookie!” She is social, and loves having friends. She likes being in charge. She has trouble understanding changed decisions…she is certain they are lies. If I say something, I must follow through. She has a memory like an elephant, when it comes to things she cares about. She throws the worst tantrums I have ever seen. She is eight.

She loved to swing as a baby. At three, she threw horrible fits. I would have to hold her to keep her from hurting herself and me. In preschool, while other girls wanted to be a mom, she told her teacher she wanted to be a paleontologist. When her teacher expressed confusion she told her, " You know, a scientist that studies dinosaurs. Everyone knows that!" She taught herself to read at three and a half. She was reading chapter books by age five. She was a walking dictionary. She loves Biology, genetics, Latin, Logic. She is very literal, black and white and has a strong sense of justice. She doesn’t always pick up nuances. Interruption of conversations comes naturally to her, but not because she is rude, she just doesn’t get the rhythm of the talk. She understands sarcasm, but doesn’t appreciate it. She struggles with perfectionism, and a lot of anxiety. She taught herself to knit and play the piano. She tries hard to fit in with her peers, but there is always something just different about her. We say she is the “oldest thirty year old” we know. She is fifteen.

Some may say, “Well, sure, that is any kid!” But truly, my kids are like the amp in the movie Spinal Tap . Most amps went to ten. But the one in Spinal Tap went to eleven, “that’s one more, isn’t it? ” And that’s what my kids are…just a bit more.. a bit harder. This is what autism looks like in my house. I have no idea what causes it. I only know I watch my children struggle with it. We are fortunate, I suppose, since the picture I paint you is of high-functioning autism. They all have speech. They don’t spin. Or flap. But it still affects our lives. We walk on eggshells. It isn’t so much a cure I want…as an answer of what caused it, but if you ask my kids, they will tell you they want a cure. They say it is hard to live in their skin. I can see that’s true.

Every day, I see that’s true.

Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has Asperger's tendencies. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom Orange County Special Needs Kids Examiner at Examiner.com, a featured blogger at OC Family and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. t Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

Supermom vs. Autism

I was standing in line at the grocery store, waiting to pay for the basket full of groceries I had amassed on my once a month grocery stock-up. I hate
grocery shopping, especially with kids, but I had procrastinated too long and the bread had molded and we were out of milk. My children were trying valiantly to hold it together; it was late in the afternoon and had been a long day. Grocery shopping is a break from the Routine that basically rules our lives, so often there is a difficulty in this endeavor. But today the children were on their best behavior. They were helping put
groceries on the conveyor belt, while JBean kept up a steady stream of chatter. Today it wasn't them, it was me. My head was throbbing: I needed caffeine and I needed quiet.

My son decided to chat up the person behind us: "Do you like Mario Kart?" The person mumbled something politely, too quietly for me to hear. JBear took this as an invitation and continued, "I have Mario Kart for the DS. I also have a Wii. Do you have a Wii? I like playing boxing. I am good at boxing." I glanced back and the woman he was talking to seemed ok with her verbose companion, if a bit noncommittal. My son continued:

"Did you see the Indiana Jones movie? I did, it was
good. They have the Lego game of Indiana Jones for the Wii coming out next month. I want that. Lego also makes a Star Wars game for the DS. They are making one for the Wii, but it's not out yet..."

Again, I glanced back and saw the woman shuffling her feet, looking around nervously. Time to reign him in. "JBear, shh! Come help me with the groceries." He didn't hear me. I had to call him three times. Then he started asking for gum at the checkout counter. And a yo yo. Pleeeeease? He has this trip-switch, when he has something on his mind, when he wants something, he just keeps asking. I don't even know if he realizes he does it. About that time, the lady got that look. Oh, you don't know the look? Simple.

When people notice something is a bit different with your kids, they react in one of two ways. The first group widens their eyes in amazement and says, "Boy, you sure have your hands full!" And yes, yes, I do. But it is what it is. I don't have an "S" embroidered underneath my t-shirt. I am just a mom, dealing with what I have been given. I don't want praise and I don't want pity. But often, they look at me as though I stepped from a space ship, a complete alien entity. If I throw the homeschool aspect in to the conversation, I see the door slam shut, the eyes cloud over, and I can almost hear the voice in their head as they thank the Lord that they don't have kids like mine, and thank goodness it isn't contagious!

The other group I encounter widens their eyes in surprise and says, "But they seem so normal." This is actually frustrating. This is the reaction I get when I try to explain Asperger's. I know that on the spectrum of special needs, Asperger's is considered pretty low. And my kids are actually mildly affected. Their behaviors are more annoying or frustrating than dangerous. My son has not eloped from a classroom since the First Grade. Of course, it helps that he has been homeschooled since the Second Grade, I suppose.

He does have an anger and frustration problem. In fact, when he is angry, he could give a salty dawg a run for his grog. He has recently decided that it is really cool to respond to any insult, real or imagined, "I know you are!" You can imagine how productive that is! He is in the habit of cornering people, because he is a social guy. He wants to interact, and find interesting things in common, but he doesn't pick up the cues when someone has had enough. I am constantly playing watch dog for him, translating so they will not miss out on what he has to offer, worried that people won't like him. Or worse maybe, they will judge me because of who he is.

I am not in the habit of explaining myself to random strangers, but I must be lacking. When I do try to explain to someone who inevitably asks, "What's Asperger's," I can sometimes hear, "Well, all kids do THAT." And yes, that's true. All kids do prattle on about minutiae. All kids have terrible table manners. All kids get mad and frustrated and yell. All kids don't know how to figure out when you have had enough of them. All kids interrupt. All kids wear the same clothes, every day, even if they are dirty, and get ticked off if told they can't wear that shirt again until it is washed. All kids harp over and over again about allowance, video games they want, going to the library...whatever it is that is on their mind at that very moment. All kids throw fits when they don't get their way. All kids need help getting dressed, even when they can actually accomplish this task themselves. All kids have unreasonable fears and cannot take out the garbage at night or get up to go to the bathroom in a darkened room. But the point here, is mine do it more. That's what Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism looks like. I didn't want bragging rights. I am not trying to one-up anyone else. I am simply trying to live with kids who have to live with "mild-mannered Autism." Anyone who uses this term clearly has never lived with nor experienced autism.

I don't play the Label Game. I don't have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. I don't find my identity in being Supermom or having kids with "special needs." We sought a diagnosis for my son simply because he wasn't functioning in school very well, and we started seeing some signs at home. I knew something was wrong. I wrote a letter to the school, asking for an evaluation. The district did their tests, gave us their result, and then we obtained our own private evaluation. We ended up with a diagnosis and an IEP. With some interventions and by educating myself, we found accommodations that worked for him. I learned how to talk to him, how to calm him down, how to provide a sensory diet and just learn to live with the quirkiness that can be autism. At some point, I started rolling with the flow, and it became, if not easy, something familiar. And, it was okay. I thought that was the end. Autism had touched us, but it was a tentative touch.

Cut to 2006. Those who read will know this already, but we had a house fire, and lost everything. The house was standing, but they gutted it, and rebuilt everything but the bones. Every item except for the clothes on our backs was destroyed. Of course, we all took it hard, but my then-six year old was particularly devastated. It was and is, the only home she'd ever known. On a good day, she keeps most of her emotions to herself. This caused her to retreat inside herself. She would build little worlds with her My Little Ponies, and Littlest Pet Shop, barricade herself inside the toy houses. Walls of toys would sit between her and the rest of us; she was shutting us out. We sought counseling, and of course, the question we all had was, is it the trauma or is she also on the Spectrum as well? After what we thought was a failed bout of counseling, it proved to be the catalyst and we decided to have our little JBean evaluated for autism.

I went back and forth, second-guessing myself. Autism is a spectrum, and there is a saying, "If you've seen one kid with Asperger's, you've seen one kid with Asperger's. My son and daughter are as different as night and day. I would look at her and think, "No way she is on the Spectrum...she isn't like JBear." I waffled and tested her myself, and I wanted to be wrong. She was diagnosed with autistic disorder two years ago.

So when the woman behind me gave me that look, I just smiled at her and said, "Kids!" About that time, the cashier finished ringing up my groceries. There is a time for education, and there is a time for cutting your losses and just getting the heck out of Dodge. So I'm sorry to the autism advocates,just know some days I fight the good fight. But today I pulled myself up by my bootstraps. This wasn't the day to try and educate the public. This was a day to take my children home with me, cuddle them close and read books while munching cookies. This was a day to just be. I swallowed the lump in my throat that came from unshed tears. Yes, sometimes I grieve for what they don't have. And maybe that's not what Supermom would do. As I rolled out to the car, I realized the lump in my throat wasn't just grief. It was something else, as well. It was a fierce, protective love, and a knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And I don't think that Supermom could have it any better.

T, who just does what she can do some days

Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has Asperger's tendencies. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom LA Special Needs Kids Examiner at Examiner.com and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. t Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

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Is the CDC quietly revising autism numbers behind our back?

I don't normally do this, but I am linking to the article on new autism rates I wrote at Examiner.com simply because I am still reeling at what I found out. I am having a hard time believing it but the CDC appears to be trying to bury new numbers as to the rates of autism in the US. The rate is now 1 in 100, or 1% of all kids in the United States will be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. WHY isn't this all over the news? Your guess is as good as mine. Read the article. What do you think?

T, who is NOT a Conspiracy Theorist, but is searching for an explanation

Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has Asperger's tendencies. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom LA Special Needs Kids Examiner at Examiner.com and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. t Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

Now we are condoning discrimination? oh, HELL no!

Sorry, I am crossposting this on all of my sites. I simply feel the issue is too important to ignore. Thanks!

You might remember earlier this year about the teacher from Port St. Lucie, FL who had her class vote on whether Alex Barton, a child with autism, could remain in her Kindergarten class. He was voted out, traumatized and refused to return to school. There was a great uproar and teacher Wendy Portillo was suspended without pay for a year with her tenure revoked.

The school board quietly reversed its decision this week..please read the rest here, and trust me, you need to read it.

Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has Asperger's tendencies. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom LA Special Needs Kids Examiner at Examiner.com and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

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In my house, EVERY DAY is World Autism Day

I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but I have a child who is Autistic. You may not know, or even realize it when you meet him. It might take a few minutes. Or an hour. But at some point when you meet my son, you will begin to notice he acts different. It might be the way he flaps his hands. Or the way he hums to himself. Or the way the conversation he has with you keeps ever-so-slightly going back to the things he likes. It could be because you notice the things he's interested in are younger than he is; or he talks older than his years. You might notice his anxiety. But, if you don't realize it, that's okay too. That's okay because we have worked very hard to help him fit into society's mold. We have embraced Early Intervention, ABA, ESE, Inclusion, and a myriad of other therapies and interventions. (Thank you, Quest Kids and UCFCard!) In short, we have worked very hard for you not to notice the Autism. However, it is a part of him. It is him. Those quirks will never disappear. They may diminish, but they will never fade totally away. And while it is okay with me, it is clearly not okay with society. I say that because the media heralds the "Recovery of Autism"; that "Autism is Reversible". I guess in some cases it could be. Just not in any cases that I know of. That I personally know of. Not to mention, the cases that are brought out to the media are the young kids. The ones who benefit from Early Intervention. Many Autistic children will benefit from Early Intervention therapies (my son did!). The articles about older kids are usually how they are coping, how they are adapting to society. How they are dealing. Because it is difficult. Because it is hard. These young kids grow up. They become adults. And while Early Intervention can and does help Autistic kids, those kids get older; and as they age, the therapies, the interventions, the assistance gets less and less, until there is no more. Until they are totally on their own. So today, on World Autism Day, while we should celebrate our successes and appreciate how far we've come, we also need to realize how much further we have to go. We need to reevaluate how we help our children grow into and become adults. Interventions and assistance should not and can not stop when they need us the most. And they do need it. Don't be fooled. Starting today, let's discuss what we can do, how we can do it, and what we need to do to get this ball rolling along. Talk to me:

• On Twitter
• On Facebook
• via email:

The clock is ticking. His life depends on it.

Shash has two amazing boys, one with Asperger's, a form of high-functioning autism, and in her copious amounts of spare time is a Teaching Assistant in a special needs classroom at an elementary school. Read more about her life and family at Diary of a Crazed Mommy>.

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What's The Point of School?

The following is in response to a comment made on the last post regarding homeschooling for autistic kids. It refers to a comment from a special education teacher. Go read it, first. Califmom's response needed to be its own post.

Sorry to be petty here, but if the argument to send my child to school is being put forth by a teacher who has more grammar/spelling mistakes in his comment than content, I have a difficult time swallowing that pill.

However, I'm a bigger person than the product of my (formally schooled) environment. So, I'll bite.

What I read in Mr. Black's comment is that my son should attend a formal, school setting in order to experience poor treatment by his age mates and failed social situations, which will then require the support of a team of professionals.

This scenario is seen as superior to providing my child with social experiences outside the academic setting, where stress is lower, and success is higher, which then result in positive experiences in the building blocks of his social competence.

Underlying all of this is an assumption by Mr. Black that I, as the parent of the child, check my opinions at the door, trust the system, and let the professionals do their job.

Mr. Black, just so you know, we were not always homeschoolers. We didn't even choose this path, initially.

In fact, for over 7 years, my children attended an expensive, award-winning private school that touted its ability to address special needs.

My personal educational background is in child development and elementary education.

We did not arrive at our decision to homeschool because we had some idea that it would be a great way to exclude our child from the artificial construct we currently call our schools, an institution largely existent as a remnant of the Industrial Revolution and the requirement that we produce a society of factory workers with a similar world view--followers, non-thinkers, non-questioners.

We arrived at this decision via a difficult path, but we are beyond pleased with the results we see in our children. More, our family and friends are impressed with the change they see in our children.

You see, nowhere else are we grouped in such an artificial fashion as we are in a traditional school setting. Children are grouped by age, and often ability (or disability), and then expected to derive value from this socialization.

I have yet to find a workplace (the argument most put forth for a school-based education is to 'get a job') comprised of same-age coworkers. Have you?

Aside from prisons and psychiatric wards, nowhere else do we lock people in for the day and attempt to control their behavior. Seems odd that we expect only 1 of 3 of those scenarios to be appropriate for all members of our society.

I want more for my child, and I have the ability to provide it. Maybe it's not what everyone can provide their child. Maybe it's not the right thing for everyone, but it is what is meeting the needs of my children and our family. It's also the beauty of living somewhere that provides us this freedom.

If you really want to boggle your mind, Google unschooling. That's what we do. I'm guessing it'll make your head fall off, but maybe it will just open your mind.

Because of her son, califmom knows more than she wants to about Asperger and Tourette Syndromes. She doesn't think autism needs to be cured. She does think that autistic spectrum disorders are more likely orders--another way of being in this world. Visit her at califmom and califmom homeschools.

Autism and Homeschooling: Why?

...this is a repost from my personal blog...but it seemed relevant here.

Over the years, I have witnessed an exodus of sorts when it comes to the education of friends' children. More and more parents of children with autism and Asperger's Syndrome are choosing to homeschool. We are the well-kept dirty little secret that your school district doesn't want you to know: often our children can be better served at home than in the school system.

I would have never said such six years ago. I was a died-in-the-wool PTA, room mom, get into the system and change it, agent. But one horrific year with my son's classroom (through no fault of the teacher) and I became a true believer. I figured I couldn't do a worse job than the school, and I might even be an improvement. Besides, my son hated school, to the point I was literally dragging him there. Something had to give.

And now? I homeschool all three of my children, and this is our 5th year. Two have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, they are 7 and 10 respectively. My oldest is going on 15, and though she has never been diagnosed, she has many of the deficits of Asperger's, and is also academically gifted. Her father is a computer engineer, and is most likely also on the Spectrum. (he was never tested, but off the record, our psychologist said so) So, you do the math...

In any case, bringing my children home has worked out wonderfully for us. Homeschooling has allowed me to tailor each program according to what works for each child. My 14 yr old, who went to school for 6 years benefits from a very academic program. She enjoys the structure and it works. My middle guy, at 10, is the one I walk the line with. He isn't unschooled, but his academic structure would, at first glance, seem more relaxed. It is still very scheduled, however. But we benefit from frequent breaks, sensory diet and multisensory approaches. I can choose activities that he enjoys, and we keep work periods short and focused. He can take a break for pogo stick or OT work, as needed. My littlest one, at 7, is the one that learns best through games and Mom Time. She needs one-on-one (as does my son) that she wouldn't get in a classroom. She often has to be taught a concept repeatedly before she gets it.

My middle guy is also dyslexic, which makes it interesting, and I am thinking my littlest may be, as well.

As for socialization...which is a joke anyway... but still. We have found with regular play dates, activities and park outings, my children do just fine. There is more time for preferred subjects (my 14 year old taught herself to both play the piano and knit, because she had more time than if she was traditionally schooled.) We have more time (and funds) for field trips and activities. While other kids are sitting in a classroom, mine are out learning in the world.

There is a park day we attend and have for years. The attendance is large, with many different ages and multiple abilities. There are several kids from all ages that are on the spectrum in varying degrees. It is a very welcoming group. Truly, it was the best decision we ever made for our family.

When my son ended 1st grade, he barely read, was behind in math, his writing was still reversals (though he is left handed, so that made it worse). I would literally dress him like a doll and drag him, kicking, to the public school. He would sit under the teacher's desk, or make games. His aide was useless, only serving to keep him from eloping from the classroom. His work was all sent home. I was already homeschooling, and my son was in the school system!

He is now in the 5th grade, and reads at grade level. His math is also at grade level, or just below. He is above in Science, History, Geography. His writing and penmanship has improved 10 fold. and most importantly, he loves to learn. I have found that learning is a broad term for what we do every day. Mythbusters is learning and exploring Science. Going to the Arboretum is a chance to discuss the environment and botany, as well as the food chain. In fact, every activity has inherent learning in it...you just have to find it.

The most important thing to remember about homeschooling? It isn't something you do. It's something you live. And there really is no wrong way to do it. You can, and your child can... and if it doesn't work, keep tweaking. Also, what your state standards may find important, you may find doesn't mesh with your family. That's ok. I have found that as we go, my kids pick up information I didn't formally teach. And the one thing I want to equip my children with? The ability to find information.

The freedom I have found, as well as the free time away from IEPs, discipline meetings and just general headache is now energy I can pour into helping my son love learning. Less time is spent arguing over what the schools think he needs and more time is given to what he actually needs. We have personalized his goals, and we make sure he reaches them. There is no fighting with autism experts who insist my son is meeting goals that are either too broad, too easy or just plain wrong. I am in control. And my children are the better for it.

That, to me, is success.

T. Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children. The two youngest children have high-functioning autism and the oldest has undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the editor of the Special Needs channel at Typeamom. Her personal blog can be found at Send Chocolate.

Something You Can Do...RIGHT NOW

For Valentines...just in time. Go and comment on Party Planning Professor... every comment will earn a donation for Autism Speaks. More importantly, we gain autism awareness. So, make my Valentines Day...go do it! Now. Thanks and love to you! T. Tina Cruz is a writer, wife and mother of three children. The two youngest children have high-functioning autism and the oldest has undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the editor of the Special Needs channe at Typeamom. Her personal blog can be found at Send Chocolate. Autism Sucks is her brainchild.

The Dirty Secret Schools Don't Want You To Know

Over the years, I have witnessed an exodus of sorts when it comes to the education of friends' children. More and more parents of children with autism and Asperger's Syndrome are choosing to homeschool. We are the well-kept dirty little secret that your school district doesn't want you to know: often our children can be better served at home than in the school system.

I would have never said such six years ago. I was a died-in-the-wool PTA, room mom, get into the system and change it, agent. But one horrific year with my son's classroom (through no fault of the teacher) and I became a true believer. I figured I couldn't do a worse job than the school, and I might even be an improvement. Besides, my son hated school, to the point I was literally dragging him there. Something had to give.

And now? I homeschool all three of my children, and this is our 5th year. Two have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, they are 7 and 10 respectively. My oldest is going on 15, and though she has never been diagnosed, she has many of the deficits of Asperger's, and is also academically gifted. Her father is a computer engineer, and is most likely also on the Spectrum. (he was never tested, but off the record, our psychologist said so) So, you do the math...

In any case, bringing my children home has worked out wonderfully for us. Homeschooling has allowed me to tailor each program according to what works for each child. My 14 yr old, who went to school for 6 years benefits from a very academic program. She enjoys the structure and it works. My middle guy, at 10, is the one I walk the line with. He isn't unschooled, but his academic structure would, at first glance, seem more relaxed. It is still very scheduled, however. But we benefit from frequent breaks, sensory diet and multisensory approaches. I can choose activities that he enjoys, and we keep work periods short and focused. He can take a break for pogo stick or OT work, as needed. My littlest one, at 7, is the one that learns best through games and Mom Time. She needs one-on-one (as does my son) that she wouldn't get in a classroom. She often has to be taught a concept repeatedly before she gets it.

My middle guy is also dyslexic, which makes it interesting, and I am thinking my littlest may be, as well.

As for socialization...which is a joke anyway... but still. We have found with regular play dates, activities and park outings, my children do just fine. There is more time for preferred subjects (my 14 year old taught herself to both play the piano and knit, because she had more time than if she was traditionally schooled.) We have more time (and funds) for field trips and activities. While other kids are sitting in a classroom, mine are out learning in the world.

There is a park day we attend and have for years. The attendance is large, with many different ages and multiple abilities. There are several kids from all ages that are on the spectrum in varying degrees. It is a very welcoming group. Truly, it was the best decision we ever made for our family.

When my son ended 1st grade, he barely read, was behind in math, his writing was still reversals (though he is left handed, so that made it worse). I would literally dress him like a doll and drag him, kicking, to the public school. He would sit under the teacher's desk, or make games. His aide was useless, only serving to keep him from eloping from the classroom. His work was all sent home. I was already homeschooling, and my son was in the school system!

He is now in the 5th grade, and reads at grade level. His math is also at grade level, or just below. He is above in Science, History, Geography. His writing and penmanship has improved 10 fold. and most importantly, he loves to learn. I have found that learning is a broad term for what we do every day. Mythbusters is learning and exploring Science. Going to the Arboretum is a chance to discuss the environment and botany, as well as the food chain. In fact, every activity has inherent learning in it...you just have to find it.

The most important thing to remember about homeschooling? It isn't something you do. It's something you live. And there really is no wrong way to do it. You can, and your child can... and if it doesn't work, keep tweaking. Also, what your state standards may find important, you may find doesn't mesh with your family. That's ok. I have found that as we go, my kids pick up information I didn't formally teach. And the one thing I want to equip my children with? The ability to find information.

The freedom I have found, as well as the free time away from IEPs, discipline meetings and just general headache is now energy I can pour into helping my son love learning. Less time is spent arguing over what the schools think he needs and more time is given to what he actually needs. We have personalized his goals, and we make sure he reaches them. There is no fighting with autism experts who insist my son is meeting goals that are either too broad, too easy or just plain wrong. I am in control. And my children are the better for it.

That, to me, is success.

T. is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism, one who has undiagnosed Aspergers. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents in support as a privilege.

She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism. The Autism Sucks blog is her brainchild.

Am I Doing It Right?

I feel so fortunate that Bacon is 'high functioning' and that he appears to everyone to be a 'normal' kid. I am also beyond blessed that our school district is so great at offering the services that he needs and has such excellent teachers for him. 

I recently returned to work full time though, and am not as involved in his day to day (read here every single second of everything that is going on) activities. I am worried that this is going to cause all kinds of trauma and distress to him in the long run though. The guilt is sometimes horrific. 

Also we are still having all kinds of issues with sensory potty training issues. Part of it is attributed to age I know, but then part of me feels like this will be a never ending battle because of the Asperger's. I cannot remember the last time we went a full day without a pee or poop accident. We take away privileges, we remind him endlessly to go, and still nothing works. He is about 75% trained and has 3 months until he turns 5. I wouldn't be so worried if he wasn't going to mainstream kindergarten, where peeing your pants can turn into some kind of ridiculing nightmare. 

He also still won't sleep in his own bed. He starts there, but always ends up in our bed. We have tried the Super Nanny method of escorting him back to bed 7,952 times, we tried weighted blankets (which freaked him out) sticker reward charts, money, begging and nothing works. I get up at 4am so the constant up and down just doesn't really work for me because I have to sleep in order to be alert for work!

Did I do it wrong by not getting him into OT? Did I do him a disservice by not keeping him in psychotherapy with the lady that was by the train tracks? (Trains are his thing, and every time a train went by he went crazy.) Or am I doing okay, by sort of letting him work it out on his own with school and seeing how it goes? 

He has made so much progress! He can have a conversation with people, he can recognize people's feelings, he can write his name! He is adding! He asks me how MY DAY WAS! Things I NEVER thought I would see...and I know that some parents of kids with Asperger's and Autism will never see. 

I still worry that I am doing it wrong, that I am not doing enough for him. Am I crazy? Or is this what being a mom is like? 

Mrs. Tantrum has a 4 1/2 year old son with Asperger's. She has been married for 11 years, and works full time outside the home. To read more about her crazy life,  her thoughts about random things, Coffee, Anxiety and more, head over to her blog Momma's Tantrum. She posts there every day, or pretty darn close to every day. 

Don't Call Them That!

When is a Word not just a Word?

Have you said it? In a fit of pique? Or frustration? In just normal conversation? Have you referred to your children with the "A Word?" Does it define who they are at that particular moment? Dan Olmsted, over at Age of Autism has been ruffling feathers because he believes we need to abolish the use of the word, "autistic." He is on the right track.

I have two children, as you know. They have autism. They are not autistic. Why do I differentiate it in my head? Because autism is part of who they are. It does not define them. They are more than just their disorder or disability or whatever we are calling it this week. I prefer to just call them my children. Who have autism. Though I am not crazy about the puzzle analogy, it fits here. Not because autism is a puzzle, but because autism is a piece of the puzzle.

Dan believes that the word "autistic" is similar in connotation to "retard." He's not far off. It is akin to talking about the "Short Bus", (a slang term for the bus that transports special education students by those who wish to disparage it). It is a negative term, guffawed over lunch by kids who don't understand differences.

Autistic is a very limiting word. It defines the person's limitations. Sometimes, the reputation of a word is enough...it doesn't matter what the actual definition is. No one wants to be called ignorant. And yet, the definition in itself is not offensive. Autistic simply means "of or pertaining to autism." But the gestalt of the word means so much more. Words can be used to educate, but is that necessary all of the time? Sometimes, is it ok to just be?

I have chosen not to refer to my children as autistic. They may change that at any point. It is completely up to them how they will refer to themselves. I have talked to my son about this, and, with no coaching from me, he laughed and said exactly what I had said,

"Why would I want to be known by only one word? I am so much more than autistic!"

(emphasis was his)

I understand there is a movement in the adult world of autism to embrace the word. Take it back, if you will. It seems to me like the N word. Young black men reclaimed the word, and the power that went with it, as their own. But it's a word that is acceptable within the context of their community. (One could argue about whether or not it is an appropriate word for any group to use...) Regardless, it doesn't cross color lines.

That is how I see Autistic. It is a charged word. An in-your-face word. A "we're here, get used to it", word. And I can't make my children part of a political movement. It is time for them to just be children. Without limits.

T, who imagines I've started something

How about you? What do you think about autism vs. autistic?

Technorati: autism, Aspergers, labels

photo by Carey Tilden T. is a writer, wife and mother of three children, two who have high-functioning autism. She advocates for autism awareness and education, as well as acceptance. She views autism as a growth process and the opportunity to connect parents for support as a privilege. She is the Special Needs Editor at typeamom, a contributing writer at The OC Register and her own site, Send Chocolate reflects her passion for her children and autism.

Sick of It

We have been to 2 parties this weekend. 1 block party and 1 birthday party. We stayed for about 3 hours, because that is about all I or Bacon can handle. He played and ate and had a good time, and I was able to have some semi normal conversations with other parents. 

The coming home part is always the part that stinks. It is the part that ends with me hauling his 45 pound body home while he is screaming and flailing, then carrying him to his room to get him to cool off. It is the part that happens before Mr. T comes home. It is the part that has gotten so bad, I am physically ill. It is so bad that I really don't want to go anywhere with him anymore. 

I am sick of the weird looks. I am sick of the questions. I am just sick of it all. I am tired of fighting with a child who only wants to scream at me when he doesn't get his way. I am tired of fighting with a child who doesn't understand that it just isn't that way all the time. I am tired of throwing up from it and I am tired of feeling guilty for it. 

What advice do you all have? What techniques work for your Aspie? What books have helped you cope with this? What support groups have you joined? Do you use counseling? What works? Mr. T doesn't get it, and he isn't here 24/7/365 so he couldn't possibly get it. Those of you moms who are in it do get it. Help please. 

*My name is  Mrs. Tantrum. I am a 31 year old mom to a 4 year old son who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I blog almost every day at Momma's Tantrum about our life with Asperger's, Coffee, the crazy antics here, and more. I do have a fierce potty mouth so if you are easily offended, just cover your eyes and hum loudly!*

I Love You

Having an "Aspie" means that you come to know certain things. You learn quickly that they use the same phrases repetitively. It is part of that whole routine thing that helps to soothe them. I think it also is part of what some experts refer to as "scripted speech" - meaning that they hear this and then use it because they think that is how you are always supposed to talk. 

My Bacon uses "scripted speech" a LOT. Things are DEELICIOUS, and he always has a GREAT IDEA. Often THAT'S NOT SAFE, or NOT A GREAT IDEA. His newest (and my favorite) is What I was probably thinking is.... 

He does say "I love you" but only after you have told him that first. He gives hugs and kisses and "Eskimo kisses" (which he calls snuggles) at free will. He will gladly tell you that he misses you or missed you when you were gone. He is vibrant and wonderful with language, but still never just says "I love you momma."

I am okay with that. He is still little, and it is a hard concept to learn and grasp and get. Maybe he will never be the first to say it. That will be okay. As long as I always tell him, and he knows long after I am gone that he was my sun, moon, stars and everything and I loved him with every fiber of my body and soul. 

Then before he left to go to Crazy Aunt Ethel's on Monday he ran inside to give me a hug and a kiss, he threw his arms around my neck and whispered in my ear "I love you momma. I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars." 

I cried when he left. Not because I was sad, but because finally my little man said the words that I thought that he would never say first, that he loves me. 

*My name is  Mrs. Tantrum. I am a 31 year old mom to a 4 year old son who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I blog almost every day at Momma's Tantrum about our life with Asperger's, Coffee, the crazy antics here, and more. I do have a fierce potty mouth so if you are easily offended, just cover your eyes and hum loudly!*

Camp Struggles

My eldest son is 7. He was diagnosed with Asperger's just last December, just on the cusp of his 7th birthday. We had known something was up for years but couldn't put our finger on what it was or how to cope. We bought books about ADD, ADHD, OCD, graphomotor dysfunction, even Autism and Asperger's but we didn't KNOW until we traveled 3 hours to a specialist, not covered by any insurances, who charged $500 to actually sit with our son and figure it all out. --and then a second $500 to help us figure out what to do with the information. But he was worth every penny. It was a relief to know the name of this thing that controlled our lives. The thing that had become so big that a question like "What accommodations do you make for your son?" had become unanswerable because...didn't everyone live like this? Joey got thrown out of no less than 3 preschools. He was "removed" from the private kindergarten that was supposed to be "WONDERFUL" after only 3 days. He was a "disruption" because he told the teacher that the year 2006 shouldn't have smiley faces in the zeros and then insisted that she remove them. He wouldn't stand on the 7 on the carpet because he was NOT 7 years old. And he loved to turn the air conditioner on and off because he loved to control the movement of the air. Taking him out of that school was that start of a great change in his life. Two willing teachers and an IEP later, my Dino Boy is doing fairly well in an inclusion classroom. I just wish that everyone could see the brilliance that exists in between random acts of eating things that are not food and his stimming habit of bouncing round the room stretching his fingers in all directions. So this was about Camp right? Dino boy and Little Man (see my other blog for that story) go to a wonderful YMCA camp. Little man loves it and Dino Boy went there for part of the summer last year too. So I was very surprised when after ONE WEEK they called me. "Ummm, Ms. Eile, We would just you to know that we are giving you warning that Dino Boy may not be able to stay at camp this summer." Now what? I,single working mother am...screwed. But we talked. Camp talked to me, I talked to ex husband. We spent the weekend talking to Dino Boy about staying with the group, not eating things that are not food, asking for help, telling people that you are frustrated instead of running into the woods, and Dino Boy got it. He really really did. And according to camp he does great, until about the time when there is 2 hours left in camp. He can't hold it in any longer. He struggles so hard to keep it together that on some days those last 2 hours cause him to overload.... And I don't know what to do about it. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that he is doing the best he can, He loves the camp SO much. We had parents night tonight and he just gushed about every activity. But I wish I could just give him a break. A place where he can lose it and still be ok, a place where he can run and play and plan his Jurassic Camp movie and just be loved. So next year...maybe I can find a special camp just for him and people like him...but is that the right choice? or should I just immerse him in "normal" teach him to swim like all the other fish? I don't have something catchy to end with...just an open question I guess. When you have a high function kid, what do you do? Should I constantly challenge him to move up or let him just coast during the summers? He gets so stressed. I just feel that its not fair but when he grows up he is going to need to deal with the outside world. Do I teach him to do that now...or wait just a bit?

Every Picture Tells a Story

The Hubby, Scamp and Spiff. My fellas.

This photo is one of many hundreds of photos taken over the course of a family trip. Can you spot which one of my children is Autistic? To an untrained eye, it is rather hard to tell. Both of my boys can be rather well behaved in public places, but then there are those times; the ones where Spiff starts flapping his arms or waving his bracelet around. These moments usually happen in more crowded spaces. Not long after this photo was taken, we boarded a Green Line T train in Boston full of people and he began to flap his hands wildly to calm himself in that situation. While it attracted many stares and puzzled looks, it helped him relax. It's incredibly important for him to be comfortable in any situation, and he has learned how to calm himself in just about any kind. It's been a long road, and we're still on it.

The other day I was going through our family photos as I was transferring them from one computer to another. As I glanced at photo after photo of my kids, I noticed there were so many of my son in a group or family photo where he doesn't look at the camera, or is sitting just a touch away from the rest of us. Or both in the same photo. There were more than I realized. We chalk it up to one of his many quirks, and we are fine with this one and all the others. Other people might look at these photos or us when we take the photos and think he is being rude; but he is not. He might look uncomfortable and like he doesn't want to be a part of the "moment", but deep down inside he does. He really does.

He's just being him. Beautiful, beautiful Spiff.

An Open Letter to the Airline Industry from an Aspergian’s (Autistic Child) Mom,

Let me begin by saying my child is not the enemy. Please try not to treat him like one.

My child has the same rights and should be allowed to ride in a plane, your plane, just as the gentleman snoring loudly in seat 3B is right now. Yes, I understand that he’s screaming bloody murder right now. He’s frightened. The pressure in the cabin is affecting his sensibilities. The people talking loudly to each other; the sounds that the plane is making are affecting him. Please don’t keep stopping by and checking his seatbelt every 10 seconds. I can’t help but notice that you didn’t seem to care about the other screaming child in the back of the plane.

Oh? It’s a newborn? Well, can I ask why the double standard? How is it okay for that parent to escape scrutiny, yet you keep harassing me? My child should “know better”, you say? Hmmmmm. I don’t think you understand.

Allow me to explain. Also, allow me to clarify.

Just like that newborn, my son struggles to verbalize his discomfort in social situations. His understanding of this situation in his mind is identical to that newborn back there. I have taken the time and great effort to make sure we have things to make him as comfortable as possible for the duration of this trip, but even I can’t ultimately control his reactions. As his parent, I do my best, just as you strive to do, each day in your job. Sometimes I miss the mark. Trust me, it is definitely not intentional. I did not awaken this morning thinking “How can I piss off everyone my son comes in contact with?” I have much bigger fish to fry.

In the not so distant past, it was customary for a passenger when booking a flight to tell the person who booked the reservation what special needs they might have, if any. This needs to start making a comeback. I am more than happy to let the staff know our situation, and if necessary, things we can do as a team to make this trip as enjoyable for everyone. It may mean enduring some moments that are not so comfortable for a period of time, but the end result might turn out to be not so bad. The best part is you have an opportunity for a learning moment to take place. We can all stand to learn something, wouldn’t you agree?

The worst thing you can do is make me or my family feel like we have done something wrong or inconvenienced you in some way. On every flight (or just about) I’m certain that there is a screaming child or an obnoxiously drunk adult or that one person who can’t wait until the sign is turned off to move about the cabin. I don’t always see a police escort waiting for them at the airline terminal, so why single me out? It’s because autism is such a hot topic, isn’t it? Or, is it your lack of training and understanding of the situation? Please help me to understand.

My family is not your enemy. Please try not to treat us like one.

Lets’ try to work together to keep those skies as friendly as we can. I’m game if you are.

Sincerely, CrazedMommy

Shash and her family fly the not-so-friendly skies rather frequently. They have the miles to prove it. She has two amazing boys, one with Asperger's, a form of high-functioning autism, and in her copious amounts of spare time is a Teaching Assistant in a special needs classroom at an elementary school. Read more about her life and family at Diary of a Crazed Mommy. This is her first post here at Autism Sucks.

Flailing On The Fourth

I am not a mom who takes this whole "Asperger's" thing lying down. I am not an advocate mom like some of the really great mom's I know. I need to get out there and do that. I just haven't been in the pool long enough to get in the deep end just yet. I am a mom however who does not tolerate any garbage when it comes to people dealing with my kid. 

The Fourth of July is one of my least favorite holidays. I know that you probably think that is all "UN-American" and horrible, so sue me. Seriously though, throughout my life it has proven to be crazy. If it was not spent in the ER for hives, pink eye, or some other freaky ailment that I managed to catch at a summer barbecue, something weird happened when we were out at some big fireworks display. (For example my springer spaniel ate an ENTIRE CHOCOLATE TEXAS SHEET CAKE in my grandmother's kitchen. When we got back to her house we thought that the dog was dead. She wasn't. She was in a sugar coma for three days.) 

With Bacon and his Asperger's the Fourth has been less than fun. When he was two he was so terrified he screamed for two weeks every time we went out side about the scary fireworks. It was SO MUCH FUN. Last year he had a great time with the other kids watching Mr. T and the other dads blow stuff up. This year sucked. There were way too many kids most of whom know that Bacon likes to watch the fireworks but doesn't like to touch them. Still these same kids kept pushing and pushing for him to touch them. 

Finally when the neighborhood's biggest pain in the butt (She is 12, she has two pet GOATS, and knocks on everyone's doors at 9pm looking for someone to play with.) was chasing after him with a sparkler and trying to grab him I lost it and yelled at her. 

"EMILY! Leave him alone. He is four, he told you he is afraid of the fireworks, and if you don't stop I am going to have to ask you to go home." 

She of course ran to her dad and cried like she was 4, and her dad gave me the stink eye.  I could have cared less. She is OLD ENOUGH to know better. He is old enough to know that she should not be chasing after a little kid with FIREWORKS, especially when that kid is freaking out. 

I am mostly frustrated because there is another boy that lives close to them that has Asperger's that they treat with kid gloves. Not that I want them to treat Bacon like that, but I also don't think that I should have to staple a sign to his forehead reading "PLEASE TREAT ME NICELY AS I AM NOT NEURO-TYPICAL" 

Was it not obvious from him freaking the hell out all not? Was it not obvious when he was running in circles and smacking himself in the head? Or do people think that is normal four year old behavior? It had me freaking the hell out, and I had taken two Xanax and drank some wine! 

How do you handle this? What do I do? I know I can't forever bully all of the nasty kids out there. (Although technically I didn't bully that little snot.) I just don't feel like I have the right answer or any control. So now as an adult the Fourth of July still sucks, but for a whole new reason, because I can't keep my son safe or under control. 

*My name is Faith Tantrum. I am a 31 year old mom to a 4 year old son who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I blog almost every day at Momma's Tantrum about our life with Asperger's, Coffee, the crazy antics here, and more. I do have a fierce potty mouth so if you are easily offended, just cover your eyes and hum loudly!*