This weekend we had my daughter's first birthday party. I couldn't stand the thought of more people invading my home (10 therapists a week is enough, thank you), so we had the party at Gymboree. I thought it would be fun and involve no work. I though that Moe would have a good time too. He's into climbing everything right now so that would be good. And he used to love it there when he was a baby and we had time to do things other than therapy.
Well, guess what? Autism sucks because it is unpredictable. Moe had a major meltdown the moment we stepped in the door. Fortunately, none of the other guests had arrived and he calmed down in a few minutes. He spent his time on the outside, bouncing on the trampoline in the corner or running around the edges with a juice box. Didn't even participate when it was time for bubbles or the parachute. For a while he obsessed over the drinking fountain until he couldn't find anyone to pick him up anymore. He exhausted his grandparents who were kind enough to chase him around the room so my husband and I could spend a little time with our daughter who is going to be one year old and deserved a day all to herself. So we could watch her eat her first bite of cake.
We call her Jelly Belly. She doesn't have a lot of friends of her own. We know a lot of people Moe's age, leftover from the playdates we used to be able to attend. They came, and some of them have baby brothers and sisters now, so they came too. Family and old friends came and there was a nice crowd. But any time the group gets together, I'm reminded of how different he is and we are. I'm reminded how much I love three year olds and how they talk and how they follow each other around the room in packs, looking already like teenagers. I'm reminded of how I've been robbed of that time with my little boy.
I'm reminded of how much autism sucks.
Jen writes about life with a baby girl and an almost three year old son with autism on her personal blog, Anybody Want a Peanut? She also really loves cake, something she and Moe have in common. You can follow her on twitter, @wantapeanut.
There are so many times we find ourselves saying that our NT kids deserve a day that is just about them. And we try to give them those when we can, but like you said it isn't always easy and autism isn't predictable. Does it help if I tell you in some ways it does get easier? Not all of them and not always. But there are moments that do get easier as they get older.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I love this post. It reminds me trying to juggle family events (holidays and b-day parties) with my NT daughter and PDD son. Any celebratory activity is never FREE--meaning, you always have the deep cost in your mind of the "what-ifs" of the autistic child and having to plan and prep for it. Exhausting.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I agree with Ivy. My son is now 11 and over the past couple of years (with a couple of exceptions along the way), it really does get better.I also think I get better at this stuff too. Again, good post.
Many times this Blog has reminded me, how I feel, I have pushed it aside and really just wanted to believe it is someone else’s problem, until I wake up the next morning and reality hits me.
ReplyDeleteMy Joe is now 18, things don’t get much harder than this, every one admits she ( as they say) has a problem) but no now is able to help.
Education has a big hole in its policy, authorities don’t Acknowledged, and we as parents just don’t know what to do anymore.
Thanks for the encouraging words, everyone. It does help to know that things get easier. I have to remind my self that he is only 3 and still has so much growing to do.
ReplyDeleteJennifer: Thanks for writing! I understand how you feel. Do keep in mind that three year old's in general melt down. It's not just the autism. That's the hard part...knowing the difference. I know even with my 8 year old I struggle with "what's her and what's the autism?"
ReplyDeletehamstermonster: so glad you enjoy (is that the right word?) the blog. That's why I created it. If you ever want to write, you are welcome, just send me an email, autismsucksblog @ gmail. com
Tina, the chick in charge around here