Monday, August 30, 2010

The Second Son

I have a child, a beautiful child. He has only just turned eleven and has been the funny, smart light of my life in the darkest hours. His compassion for his brother has been amazing, as has his tolerance. Until now.

This morning we are rushing to an emergency psych consultation for my second son. Not my first born Aspie, but my youngest... the one that was meant to be easier, happier, less troubled. We are having a tough time lately, my Mum is very sick, our business has suffered and teetered on the brink of closure due to the financial crisis, my oldest is hitting puberty, and I, myself, am experiencing the start of menopause. Whilst the family has been tested I can honestly say the love has not wavered. But maybe the attention has.

He is angry, seriously angry. Boiling over at the most minute things, hairbreath temper trigger. He is threatening to kill himself, and others. He tried to impale a ruler into his larynx a school, he makes threatening gestures to his friends, and at a birthday party this last weekend he told them all he was going to buy a gun and kill them all... and himself.

The really scary part is that he takes no ownership of this anger, these threats. It is always someone else's fault for not doing what he wants, for causing his reaction. We are at a loss, the school is concerned and powerless, friends shake their heads in disbelief.

I am pinning my hopes on this professional man and his history of helping my sons. If he cannot then I do not know where to turn, or what to do. I am scared. Really scared.

This was meant to be my easy child...


  1. Wow. I'm SO sorry you're going through this... and I'm sorry your son is having such a rough time too, most especially him. I wish I knew what to say to "make it better", but of course there is nothing, and all I can do is offer hugs & some 'calming/healing' vibes. Please keep us in the loop, so we can keep YOU in our thoughts. XOXO

  2. Dear, dear MM, this is so hard for you, and I'm sorry for that. The fear and despair that come with this situation can be so overwhelming. I'll be praying for your strength and peace.

    My youngest NT child went through something similar about six months ago. Those were dark days when I thought I might lose her one way or another. I still have difficulty talking about it.

  3. Good luck to you. I hope that you both find some peace soon.

  4. Honey, just keep breathing for the moment - that's all you can do...take each hour as it comes.
    Best wishes and good luck

  5. Ouch! Not good.

    You obviously need to be able to find more one-on-one time with each of your boys (though I know you probably don't have much "free" time left).

    Have you got a carer who can help?

    Have you considered getting one or both sons into Scouts because they've got special units to deal with these sorts of things (and a lot of experience). They could keep the boys distracted and happy.

    If the boys were in different groups (or at different times), you could spend time with one while the other is in good hands.

    Try to find some time to take your eldest out for an adult activity, like a coffee and talk to him as friend without any negatives. Instead of talking down to him about his anger, ask him what would make him happy. You might learn a lot about how he's feeling.

    Above all, remember that you can't rely on any one outside party to resolve the problems for you. It's a family issue - and therefore it's a family resolution.

    Best of luck.

  6. I normally have one on one time but my 90 year old mum is very ill, and this has been the trigger.

    No, not Scouts. BIL is a scout master and his solution to these kids is to toughen 'em up by some horrific ideas.

  7. I wish you peace, care, and as much rest as you can get. Take care of YOU, too.

  8. That's scary stuff! We're having a lot of sibling issues in our house too! Both boys still at home have Aspergers and they're quirks Aspergers traits feed off of one another. There is never a dull moment in our house. We live in the storm.

  9. What age did this all start? My beautiful sweet Three year old has gotten really aggressive. I have bites on 40% of my body. I am passed concerned. We have an appt with a Specialist in 2 weeks.. 2 weeks really??? Do these people know what can happen in 2 weeks?????

  10. We are going through this ourselves. Around Christmas this year our sweet, calm tender boy just snapped. It was like a bolt of lightening hit him and he has been completely elevated ever since. Countless doctor visits and no one wants to help.

  11. So sorry you're dealing w/all this. Puberty can be hell and these kids have an especially tough time dealing w/all these new feelings. My son has hit me and threatened others; when angry, they often can only parrot the way they see others (e.g., on TV) deal w/anger. We put our son on a VERY low dose of Risperodol (it's been a Godsend!). Now that he's almost through puberty, we're seeing how he does without it. Don't give up! We're pulling for you all!


add your voice to the conversation!
(spam will be cheerfully and swiftly deleted)