Another Light Bulb

O.K. so I've been wining on my other blog, http://confessionsofanaspergersmom.blogspot.com/, about what a difficult summer this has been with my two sons.  The teenager is being well...a teenager.  He's difficult, belligerent and generally exhausting!  Despite my knowing that he has Aspergers, and being well educated on how that effects him, doesn't make it any less frustrating to deal with on a daily basis.

I went and signed him up for Movie Camp and Swim Team, in order to keep him from sitting in front of the computer all summer long, eating, gaining weight, fighting with his brother, complaining of boredom and generally grinding on my nerves.  He loves video editing and has started a little business making DVD's and slide presentations for friends, family and even some teachers at school.  Ah ha...he could have a career in movie editing! That will get him out of my house eventually! Let's sign him up for this  fabulous, expensive camp! (Actually there were others out there that were a lot more expensive.  I didn't totally loose a grip on reality and sign him up for one of those that lasted for three weeks and required sleeping away.) 

After nearly two weeks of fighting with him to get off of his ass and go...we're both exhausted.  Yesterday, I decided to give us both a break.  I offered to let him skip swimming to go hang out with a friend.  He looked totally surprised, "You mean we can miss today?"  "Yes, but only today.  That way, I can do something with your brother." Then came the shocking moment: "But I actually LIKE going to swimming. I like going to movie camp too.  It's just I'm so tired."

He has given me holy hell every single day, every single time I say it's time to go! Is he trying to drive me crazy? Is this some "vast right-wing conspiracy?" No, it actually is not.  The light bulb went on...this is just too much for him.  It's too much for me.  He is not a morning person.  The camp is at 9:00 a.m. and it's all the way downtown so we have to get up pretty early.  Not to mention, this week they bumped it up to 8:30 a.m. We come home and he has 5 hours of downtime before we have to head off to swimming.  He takes a nap and then transitions to working on a project on his computer and then, it's time to go again.

For an ordinary boy, this shouldn't be a problem.  For this boy, it's a disaster.  When things go wrong with your kids, doesn't the blame somehow come back around to our parenting decisions?  I over did it.  One activity at a time for this kid and if at all possible,  schedule nothing early in the morning during the summer.  At least not, if I have to be the one to take him.

The best part of his summer so far has been the sleep away Christian camp.  He was loved and accepted, made friends and came home with a better attitude.  Next year...I'll try to find a Christian camp that last all summer long!  Its sad to admit, but he really does much better when he doesn't have me around.  What do I know anyway? I'm just the person who gave birth to him.

Bragfest...

For those who do not follow my main blog, which I linked to my writing blog, on which I posted 12 year old Boy 1's narrative piece... go HERE , BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. And you know you do. Truly.

Yes, I am very proud of him, and a little shell-shocked.



, very proud mother of Boy 1 aged twelve.

Ah ha!

Every once in a while, I see a glimmer of light and hope inside of "14".  Typically it appears that he's clueless when it comes to how other people are feeling, or thinking.  He's is very much self-absorbed, which is typical for most 14 year old boys, but for one with Asperger's...that's putting it mildly! The world is typically seen through a very narrow point of view -HIS! Who cares about what other people think?  It's all about ME! On an intellectual level, I know this.  Does it make it any less exasperating or annoying? No.

So he's asking me over and over again, not only about when I'm going to buy him this $500 dollar video camera.  That is the rant of the week.  He also ads in a little dose of, "When can my friend come over? Why don't you like him? Is it because he has special needs.  You think he's weird! You think he's annoying don't you?"  Have I ever said anything to that effect? Absolutely not.  Do I let him come over every time "14" asks? No I do not.  Have I taken him and his friend to the mall, out to eat, to 'Best Buy' to hang out, to the movies. Yes! Does he remember or appreciate that? No.

I tell my son that he plays a big part in why his friend can't come over whenever he wants.  "You fight with your brother on a consistent basis.  You make no effort to get along with him.  You annoy him on  purpose.  You get him spun up to the point where he's yelling and screaming and you want me to add to that headache by inviting your friend over who does the exact same thing? Why would I do that? Do you think I enjoy having headaches?!"

"I fight with "11" because he hates my singing and because he calls me fat!"  That is hardly the only reason he fights with his younger brother.  But let's take a look at that...where did it all begin? Well let's see you started this whole tit for tat insult flying with, "You have the ugliest teeth! I hate the way your voice sounds!"  Are these things that your brother can help or change? No.  You hurt his feelings, therefore, he finds a way to hurt your feelings.  This should be obvious, but for the mind-blind Aspie -it is not.

And here's the light bulb...the glimmer of hope, "I think I fight with him because he has Asperger's too, but he doesn't take any medication and he doesn't have a therapist." WOW! Is he right?  I don't know.  But at least he's thinking beyond himself.  I inform him that his younger brother doesn't quite have the same issues as he does.  He has no problem with focusing and behavior at school, therefore we haven't seen the need for medication.  Does he need a private therapist? Probably so.  I think what they need is a sibling therapist to come to the house and see the hell they put me through. I haven't figured out how to make that happen yet.

As his younger brother gets into the tween stage, he has become much more angry, aggressive and somewhat depressed.  It is something we need to address.  I explained to "14" however, that he is older and should be more mature and could really work on ignoring things if he wants to have the freedom to have a friend over especially, one who also loves to annoy his brother.  I explained that for now...I would like to see him continue to nurture his relationship with his friend (who by the way has his own set of special needs).  In order to do so, he has to do his part in making peace before we add more fuel to the fire.

I mean why would I do that?  I'm a good mom...but I'm not crazy!

I'm Drowning

I put a great deal of effort in to raising these two Aspergers boys, only to feel unceremoniously slapped in the face.  My entire day is devoted their care and entertainment.  7 a.m. rise and shine, attempt to have "14" do the same so that he can get ready for film camp that I spend a good deal of money for.  I am met with "I don't want to go! I'm very tired today."  "Yes...you're especially tired today because I want you to get up.  If we were all trying to sleep, you'd be up making noise disturbing those of us who want to sleep.  Let's go!"

He loves to give me hugs at the most inopportune moments, so I ask for a hug, from across the room just to get him out of bed.  It takes him 30 minutes to put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I disappear to get myself together, distracted by the "Old Spice" guy who is on "Good Morning America" this morning.  Oh My God! He's so perfect.  I am smiling ear to ear just looking at him.  The best part of my day so far! When I return to "14'" is still laying in bed, dressed,  like he doesn't know what to do next.

I finally get him down stairs to eat a bowl of cereal.  We're out the door and in the car when he remembers he needs his IPod to listen too on the way.  I drive all the way downtown, listening to him sing, which is really music to my ears although he's off key.  It's just so good to not hear him talking about what he wants me to buy him next! I go up 3 flights of stairs to talk to the instructor at Film camp to find out what's been going on.  Has he been participating? Not really...but she hopes that when they get into shooting and editing he will get into it. He's more technical than creative.  I cringe thinking about how much money I'm spending for him to sit around staring off into space, not joining in the group.  I pray that it will pay off in the end when he gets to shoot the movie and edit it.

10 a.m. I'm checking out Facebook.  I see a post from "14" while he's @ film camp! "I don't want to go to film camp today. I'm tired!"  I am livid! He's freakin' texting while he's at this $200 a week camp! I'm going to kill him!

2 p.m. We arrive back home so that I can take my mother to get her hair done and the boys for haircuts.  They refuse to go together.  "11" refuses to go at all.  I can not leave them at home because they've been vehemently fighting (physically and verbally) over the past several days over the fact that "11" hates "14's" singing.  (I mean they seriously come to blows over this.)  "11" is told he has no choice but to come.  I let "14" stay home to relax after the long, difficult morning of sitting around film camp like a bump on a log.


6 p.m. is time for Swim Team workout.  Everyday, I'm met with resistance.  "I don't want to go! Why'd did you sign me up for all these activities?" 'Uh...so you don't drive me to the nuthouse with the constant fighting with your brother and telling me that you're bored!'.  This boy is twice the size that I am and I almost had to practically carry him inside the pool facility! He sees a girl and a boy outside talking and starts on a rant.  "I WANT A GIRLFRIEND! ITS NOT FAIR!"  "If you get inside and workout, you will look so good, you'll get all the girls!" "I shouldn't have to work my ass off just to get a girl!  They should want me for who I am." Yeah...a guy who walks around looking angry because he doesn't have a girlfriend.  Sure son, that's the way to get a girl. But hey, what do I know about the way superficial teenage girls think? 


I text his 22 year old brother to ask him can he please take his brother to swim practice tomorrow?  He needs encouragement from someone other than me.  I'm met with, "Me and my girlfriend have plans." "Well, can you at least call him and give him a pep talk?" No response...no call.  I reply, "Great! I guess I have to hire a big brother since you can't do the job!" 

8 p.m. I return home after this painstaking practice session.  I take "11" swimming at our neighborhood pool since he's pretty much been home all day with Nana.  After all, he needs to get his exercise in too!  Ask me when was the last time I got to go to Zumba or yoga.  I think it was before school let out.

10 p.m. I pour 1 part Pear Vodka 2 parts blueberry juice to keep myself from drowning.

Note: No one was physically harmed by the end of this day.  Although I sure felt like slapping somebody! 

cHECK oUT mY bLOG
http://confessionsofanaspergersmom.blogspot.com/

Really Not Good

As some of you who follow my main blog Meaninless Meandering from a Madmother would have seen that yesterday was not a good day, and had started with a not good night. What I neglected (chose not to) mention over there was the incident which triggered the bad night.

I am married to the calmest, most patient man in the universe, Big Boy. All along this autism journey we have been on exactly the same page with our children, agreeing on our methods, making sure Boy 2 does not suffer due to having an older sibling with ASD, believing in the ability of our oldest to grow into a functioning, happy adult. Well, most days anyway. But everybody has a breaking point.

The night before last Big Boy was helping/supervising both boys with their homework. And for the first time in over a decade, he lost his temper and screamed at our children. Not yelled, screamed. Now I am the loud, scream at them person in this relationship. I am the you get your arse moving NOW ranter. They are used to me and my Madmother ways, and usually respond quickly knowing Mummy has reached THAT point where we cannot push her buttons any further and we'll fall into line as if the last thrity minutes of ignoring/whining/arguing/cheekiness had never happened.

 I do think they deserved it. There are times they take full advantage of their placid Dad, and can be downright disrespectful. They just chose the wrong time this time. He is tired, stressed from work, unwell. He had had enough. And he blew.

Don't get me wrong, he did not yell abuse, it was more along the lines of "Enough! You both need to start showing some respect as I'm trying to help you here. This is not MY homework, it is yours and either you stop arguing and start appreciating me being here, or else you can just struggle through by yourselves..." But screamed at top volume of his grown man voice.

The problem is they did not expect it. The issue is that it truly scared them. The sad thing is that it pulled the emotional rug out from under their feet. Boy 1 was devastated, and did not stop shaking and sobbing for the next three hours. Boy 2 was saying "I'm numb. Is it normal to feel nothing? I cannot feel anything..." I am sure he was in shock.

I held them and tried to calm and reassure them both, but it meant a very late night and two boys who would not sleep without Mum lying close. Which is why I ended up on the floor, cold and stiff at 1am in the morning.

My poor, poor boys. All three of them.

We've moved! (Sort of)

EDIT..Don't worry, our comments are NOT gone. Google says to give it 24-48 hours and our comments should be back. Let's keep an eye on it, and if not, I'll give 'em hell. Others have had this issue, and it resolves itself once the servers sync. So I'm told. If I change the redirect back, the comments show up, so they weren't deleted. We'll give it some time. So.

What Google says

Hey, everyone! We are now officially official with am official URL that officially reflects us! Please update your bookmarks to:

Autismsucksblog.com

Your feed should still have no problems redirecting, and I THINK that links will also redirect blogspot here, also. But just in case, you could change them. Let's keep Google happy, eh?

We may be easier to find, now. (Autismsucks.com was parked by someone, so, sadly, couldn't get that one)

Autism Suckingly,

Tina, Chief Chick in Charge around here

How Embarrassment...

For those of you either too young to remember or not of Australian shores, the title refers to the catch phrase of a 1980's icon: Kylie Mole. It was then passed onto another Aussie idol: Effie from Acropolis Now. Google if you don't know...

Boy 1 is not happy. He is reaching THAT age where the hormones are taking over and thoughts are confused. His psych recommended we provide him some factual sex education material, before things went right off the rails.

We had (under his guidance) purchased two books for this very purpose: Secret Boys' Business (Fay Angelo, Heather Pritchard and Rose Stewart) and Making Sense of Sex (Sarah Attwood). When presented with both of these a year or so ago, Boy 1 looked at the covers (being a visual boy), blushed and walked away saying: "Oh no, those are too rude for me!"

Now it was time to try again. He read the first, under protest, and then only because I pulled the old Dr U said you have to card. We then asked him if he had any questions? Blushing, determined not to meet our gazes, he looked down at his shoes, and shook his head vigorously to the negative.

Last Thursday came and so did his appointment with his psych.

When asked by Dr U about his thoughts on the book and its contents... Well, I don't think this will last, but I have to admit to chuckling under my breath when I heard him say in consternation:

"Well, the whole thing is pretty disturbing really."

I'll definitely be storing that phrase in the mind vault for pulling out to use in later years, lol.

is a manic blogger at four blogs. The main two are her general ramblings and her derby blog. Oh, and she is mother to Aspie Boy 1(12&1/2) and Smart-arse Boy 2 (11 in a month).