Camp Struggles

My eldest son is 7. He was diagnosed with Asperger's just last December, just on the cusp of his 7th birthday. We had known something was up for years but couldn't put our finger on what it was or how to cope. We bought books about ADD, ADHD, OCD, graphomotor dysfunction, even Autism and Asperger's but we didn't KNOW until we traveled 3 hours to a specialist, not covered by any insurances, who charged $500 to actually sit with our son and figure it all out. --and then a second $500 to help us figure out what to do with the information. But he was worth every penny. It was a relief to know the name of this thing that controlled our lives. The thing that had become so big that a question like "What accommodations do you make for your son?" had become unanswerable because...didn't everyone live like this? Joey got thrown out of no less than 3 preschools. He was "removed" from the private kindergarten that was supposed to be "WONDERFUL" after only 3 days. He was a "disruption" because he told the teacher that the year 2006 shouldn't have smiley faces in the zeros and then insisted that she remove them. He wouldn't stand on the 7 on the carpet because he was NOT 7 years old. And he loved to turn the air conditioner on and off because he loved to control the movement of the air. Taking him out of that school was that start of a great change in his life. Two willing teachers and an IEP later, my Dino Boy is doing fairly well in an inclusion classroom. I just wish that everyone could see the brilliance that exists in between random acts of eating things that are not food and his stimming habit of bouncing round the room stretching his fingers in all directions. So this was about Camp right? Dino boy and Little Man (see my other blog for that story) go to a wonderful YMCA camp. Little man loves it and Dino Boy went there for part of the summer last year too. So I was very surprised when after ONE WEEK they called me. "Ummm, Ms. Eile, We would just you to know that we are giving you warning that Dino Boy may not be able to stay at camp this summer." Now what? I,single working mother am...screwed. But we talked. Camp talked to me, I talked to ex husband. We spent the weekend talking to Dino Boy about staying with the group, not eating things that are not food, asking for help, telling people that you are frustrated instead of running into the woods, and Dino Boy got it. He really really did. And according to camp he does great, until about the time when there is 2 hours left in camp. He can't hold it in any longer. He struggles so hard to keep it together that on some days those last 2 hours cause him to overload.... And I don't know what to do about it. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that he is doing the best he can, He loves the camp SO much. We had parents night tonight and he just gushed about every activity. But I wish I could just give him a break. A place where he can lose it and still be ok, a place where he can run and play and plan his Jurassic Camp movie and just be loved. So next year...maybe I can find a special camp just for him and people like him...but is that the right choice? or should I just immerse him in "normal" teach him to swim like all the other fish? I don't have something catchy to end with...just an open question I guess. When you have a high function kid, what do you do? Should I constantly challenge him to move up or let him just coast during the summers? He gets so stressed. I just feel that its not fair but when he grows up he is going to need to deal with the outside world. Do I teach him to do that now...or wait just a bit?

8:30pm

I know I titled this post 8:30 pm, but the story really starts around 6:30pm--every night. That is the time when I, single mommy extraordinare, starts the bedtime routine for my 4 year old and 7 year old boys. First, I announce that this is the LAST tv show of the night. Dinner is over, dessert has been eaten and we need to agree to the last show. Sounds easy right? Sometimes its blissful. Little Brother says "I want to watch (insert Backyardigans, Sponge Bob or Crashbox here) and Big Brother happily agrees...other nights, not so much. Fighting ensues mom breaks up said fighting through compromise, computer, distraction... or insert bad parenting decision here. Step two, 7pm - Bath time. Frankly, to be honest, I LOVE bath time. No TV. I have the kids hostage. They tell me about their day, we laugh, make jokes. Its great. EXCEPT when they are fighting about the water temperature, or who gets to sit by the water, or which one gets their hair washed first. I used to pick which child went through the water torture first, but they hated that. I decided to that I would let fate control this choice, so I started playing the number game "Pick a number between 1 and 10" and whoever was closest would get to pick if they were first or second. But I found that I would cheat! I would think of the number after they had guessed in an attempt to alternate children....this failed miserably. So tonight my wonderful, thoughtful older son, Big Brother (BB) just offered to go first! Mommy loves him so much, sometimes he is so giving and rational and well, just wonderful. Then story time- 7:30. Story time can also be wonderful. My boys are great. They think outside of the box. Today we read a Little Critter book about going to the museum and then they proceeded to design their museum, for your information the Planetarium will be upstairs...their is no other option according to BB. Then we sing songs- they make me dance and they improvise sounds in between the verses. 8pm Hugs, Kisses, Goodnight....or NOT Post bedtime activities BB- "Mother don't you know I stay up for HOURS!" and he is right, he does stay up for hours. First, with LB still awake, we go potty (again) get water (again) The scariest words I get to hear from BB- "Mother, You don't need to tuck me back in. I can do it myself" uh-oh TROUBLE So I check upstairs...and this is literally 3 minutes since I left the room. BB "Look, we are building a temple" and he is, complete with buildings, dinosaurs, dragons and other toys that have resided in the toy closet, untouched, for months. "Please don't take it down....Your not mad are you?" "No, not mad, just go to bed" Minutes go by, I hear doors creaking, cabinet doors slamming, I go back upstairs...BB says to LB "See, you made mother come back up" oh yeah, I have to mention this here. Where did this mother thing come from? I was Mom or mommy up until a few weeks ago- then Mother, Mother, Mother. I asked why and BB said- "Your my mother" Logical yes, but I wish I still got to be mommy. So where are we now...8:33 and things are quite...maybe.. Last night when I took out the garbage and 10pm I came back in to find a screaming BB asking where I had gone...so how long does he stay up? "Mother don't you know I stay up for HOURS!" So I am Eile, I have just started blogging here and at my new blog Going Down Laughing. I am a single mom with two boys, a 7 year old Aspie and a 4 year old child that thinks he knows everything. We laugh a lot in my house, and I hope that my writing gets funnier with time.

We Are Part of the Cool Crowd!

(but you can still sit by us at lunch) We have new jewelry in the sidebar! Just found out that All Top has a new autism page, so by all means, check it out! All Top Autism Keep writing you guys, it is getting noticed! And if you are reading and are thinking, "Oh I could never do that..." Yes, you can! (channelled Obama for a minute there) If you are a parent or caregiver who deals with autism you have a story and we want to hear it! Email me to be added as an author for this blog. T, who loves you all