Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sick of It

We have been to 2 parties this weekend. 1 block party and 1 birthday party. We stayed for about 3 hours, because that is about all I or Bacon can handle. He played and ate and had a good time, and I was able to have some semi normal conversations with other parents. 
The coming home part is always the part that stinks. It is the part that ends with me hauling his 45 pound body home while he is screaming and flailing, then carrying him to his room to get him to cool off. It is the part that happens before Mr. T comes home. It is the part that has gotten so bad, I am physically ill. It is so bad that I really don't want to go anywhere with him anymore. 
I am sick of the weird looks. I am sick of the questions. I am just sick of it all. I am tired of fighting with a child who only wants to scream at me when he doesn't get his way. I am tired of fighting with a child who doesn't understand that it just isn't that way all the time. I am tired of throwing up from it and I am tired of feeling guilty for it. 
What advice do you all have? What techniques work for your Aspie? What books have helped you cope with this? What support groups have you joined? Do you use counseling? What works? Mr. T doesn't get it, and he isn't here 24/7/365 so he couldn't possibly get it. Those of you moms who are in it do get it. Help please. 
*My name is  Mrs. Tantrum. I am a 31 year old mom to a 4 year old son who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I blog almost every day at Momma's Tantrum about our life with Asperger's, Coffee, the crazy antics here, and more. I do have a fierce potty mouth so if you are easily offended, just cover your eyes and hum loudly!*


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  2. Oh! I do understand, it makes you want to never go anywhere. Because after all that fun you have to spend your last bit of energy dragging your child away kicking ans screaming.

    I don't know if you do this, or if it will help you But I give Dino Boy a count down. "We are leaving in 15 minutes" and then I give updates at 10 and 5 minutes or "you get two more rides before it will be time to leave, which ones do you want to make your last 2?"

    This didn't always help, but as he has gotten older he is pretty decent about leaving. He likes the control of knowing what will happen next and then being able to choose how to spend his last few minutes.

    I also try to give him something to look froward to, like you can watch a show when we get home, or a movie in the car, or grabbing an ice cream on the way home. I know it can be a bit of a bribe, but its nothing he wouldn't have gotten anyway, its just now he can look forward to it.

    I will have to post a story about the day he and the little man wouldn't leave the beach- it will either leave you laughing or crying LOL good luck!

  3. I am still trying to figure this out myself, but I have heard countdowns working pretty well. I have one AU mom friend who actually held up numbers visually for countdown. After a while it wasn't necessary but seemed to do the trick for a time.

  4. I so know that feeling, and I was so there two years ago when my 6-year-old was 4. Things are much better now (and that doesn't help you in the trenches, I know) but I did find that role-playing worked well. In fact, we still use that technique all the time. We "practice" leaving parties or fun events. We provide the timed warnings that Eile suggested. We make clear expectations about what will or will not happen if he tantrums.

    We do deep squeezes and other sensory diet techniques we have learned work for him. For him, practicing was/is so important. We have actually had to hold a piece of non GF/CF cake in front of him and tell him he is not getting it at the party to let him practice what that disappointment feels like so he will be prepared at parties. This worked so well in Kindergarten last year because since we are GF/CF, he had to bring his own treats.

    Sorry for blathering on so much. I want you to know you are not alone. There was a time in the not-so-distant past that we just did not go to parties if there were more than 8 children...and we almost always still have to leave if they are opening presents at the actual party.

  5. I can relate. Last summer I almost quit taking my son to the pool, despite how much fun it was. The leaving part was horrible. So horrible, in fact, that I was seriously worried at one point someone would report me to DCFS because D was screaming and flailing. What worked in that situation was a combination of things: first we made up a picture schedule with pix of the car trip, swimming at the pool, etc. Then, we gave him warnings for the last hour. Every 15 minutes or so we would tell him how much time was left. Then, we promised if he was cooperative about leaving we could watch a video, which was the ultimate treat for him. It really worked; I couldn't believe it. Now this year we really don't have to go through so many hoops. I think he understands better about leaving....Good luck!

  6. Hey, are you writing about me and my life with my 6 year old daughter? I so get you! Your posts are going to help me with my issues. Thanks for sharing. I am RSS'ing you - I think that is what it is called...


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